Hmmm... Where to start?!.... How about, "Hey, Happy Early Thanksgiving!"

Ok, so yes, its been over 2 months since I have posted. Some might think, "Wow, that's great! She been soo busy she hasn't had time to update!!" This is only a 1/4 of the truth. In all actuality, I have either been, too tired or to upset. So let me see if I can catch you up!

The rest of September: So the rest of September seemed to set the stage for the rest of the year, I think, for FKO. I still, to this day, have no control over my kids. I have literally tried everything possible (Minus spanking.. we don't do that and are not allowed to do that at FKO.. that's not to say I haven't REALLY WANTED TO.) The other job pretty much went per its normal routine (mind you there is no routine so that's normal for this circumstance). Never knowing when I have to be there and when I'm getting off. Ive pretty much had to not make any plans and put the life on hold for her. Shocker! Lets move on to October!

October: My birthday month. I believe that once you hit 25, after that, instead of looking forward to your birthday, you try to forget! :) Tara came down the first weekend in October and we had a little birthday thing while she was down. She gave me an OFFICE birthday! She got me a Dwight Shrute head stress ball, 2 magnetic The Office boards to keep notes on, The Office computer game AND BOARD GAME! I didn't even know there was a board game. So we spent the weekend enjoying The Office! Not to be out-done, my parents got me a new lamp for my room (LOVE IT and *bonus* It doesn't lean or fall apart!) And of course, the 4th season of the Office, which with the exception of letting my dad borrow it and watching my Netflix movies as they come in, has not left my DVD player! My sister bought me P.S. I love you along with a movie watching kit, popcorn, candy bar, M&Ms, a Dr. Pepper, and Kleenex. I had never seen the movie before and she was dead on with the Kleenex, I think there might have only been like 10 minutes of the movie where I was able to gather myself together before I started crying...... again!! It was a lovely birthday! Funny though, I had to work on my birthday, which I wasn't upset about because Its not a national holiday so, yea, welcome to real life. But my nanny boss tried to get me to come back that night and watch her kids so SHE could go out and celebrate HER birthday (we share the same birthday). I told her I couldn't come back and she said, 'Well I didn't know if you had plans or not." LADY IVE WORKED FOR YOU ALL DAY-- I HAVEN'T HAD TIME WITH MY FAMILY FOR MY BIRTHDAY-- YOU BET YOUR ASS I HAVE PLANS!" Then, I found out that she threw away all but 8 pieces of the biscotti that I made for her; that she requested be CHOCOLATE because its her favorite and seemed soo excited when she got it. It was actually just recently that I realized she stuck 8 pieces in a jar and threw the rest out. She still buys the boxed stuff and eats that................................. I literally and speechless. So I'm going to go on and drop this because it will just make me mad.

November: I decided to get myself a birthday gift............................... a TATTOO!! That's right folks, I got my second tattoo on Nov. 1st. Tara went with me. We had plans to get them together but she ended up changing her mind. I'm glad that she stuck to her guns and didn't let the tattoo guy talk her into getting it. I don't blame her one bit for changing her mind. I told her from the beginning when we went and put a deposit down that unless she was 100% sure she wanted it, that she shouldn't get it, because it is permanent. Anyway, the day we went to go check out the place and see what we wanted it was our luck that the guy to help us was an ASS (that's putting it nicely. Thank god he was just the piercer.) Anyway, I think that may have started the whole situation of wrong, and I'm not sure if Tara could ever fully recover; with good reason mind you. Continuing on. I got a butterfly. My original one I wanted to get was a tiger lily and a columbine side by side. But in order to get that it would have to be huge because of the way they have to draw it. I wanted to get something that would symbolize my mom and I. So I saw the butterfly and thought it was perfect. Butterflies symbolize renewal and new beginnings. I feel that is where I am at now, after deciding that after FKO end in May, I'm done with it, as well as the nanny job. Mom has her new beginnings as well. She has been teetering on the edge of a health decision lately and she has made her decision. So we both will be going through some big changes in the future, and she will be by my side, as I will be with her, to make it through the new. Its red (my favorite color), Yellow (the color that reminds me of mom) and Orange (which that tattoo guy added for effect but also..... what certain football team has one of its colors as orange?? Hmmmm...... let me think..... its right on the tip of my tongue...... of that's right THE MIGHTY DENVER BRONCOS!! Who won today by the way... thank god!! YAY!! So anyway, I am beyond pleased with the results! I think I am stopping at 2 tattoos! I almost passed out.... twice.... while getting the 2nd one, which I didn't actually pass out this time so it was already better then the 1st. But i just psyched myself out--- got anxious then.... well... dizzy... then ears ringing and sweating more then I knew I could sweat. Anyway, needless to say I didn't pass out, the tattoo guy went and got me a coke (which is better than candy because it works quicker to raise your blood sugar) and it got finished. Here is the result:

This month also became the stage for a big change for my sister. Her and her family moved to Arizona because Josh got a new job! I called her the night before she left and couldn't stay on the phone but a few minutes because as soon as I heard her voice I started crying and couldn't stop. Shes coming back for Thanksgiving so I'm excited to see her. My friend, Kristen, and her family moved to Monahans in September. Shes been down a few times since she moved, but this past weekend I went to see her. Man, that is one long and boring drive. I did enjoy the quiet ride with just me and my music. But there is nothing out that way lol! I couldn't stay long because I had to work Friday, so I left Saturday morning and came back Sunday morning. Anyway, it was sooooo good to see both her and Aileigh again. Aileigh has gotten so big. I realized how much I took for granted being able to see her and Kristen in just a short 10 minute drive. I'll get to see her again in a few weeks when she comes back for Thanksgiving as well. Cant wait!!

So that has been my November so far. I so want to mention that there was a very important elections that took place this month, as I'm sure EVERYBODY knows. I was more then pleased with the outcome. The following day I actually was in a great mood. I felt good about what had just happened and I felt... as weird as this might sound.... safer! I was proud of our country and where it was headed. Then... i went to work at FKO on Thursday, and the first thing I get hit with are racist jokes by one of the people I work with. Mind you I understand she is of the older generation and probably stuck in her ways, but I was mortified. Not only were they inappropriate, but we were in a CHURCH for goodness sake. There are 4 other ladies I work with, and the one that works beside me is the only one I know of that voted the way I did. She was upset as well when she started hearing the jokes. It made me ashamed. I know I didn't say it, but I was ashamed that things like that still happen. Mind you, I didn't expect the country to change over night. But, seriously..... I just have no words sometimes.

The kitties are doing well. Sophie's new thing is to get on the counter. And nothing seems to stop her otherwise. Alex is as rambunctious as ever. They both love their mommies but usually aren't fond of sharing. I think that may pass as they get older. The family is preparing for a different kind of Christmas this year. We are anxious to see how the cats will do with the tree. And, of course, it will be our first Christmas in 8+ years without Winston. I think that might be the hardest part. Seeing his stocking, NOT seeing him laying on the Christmas skirt under the tree. Christmas is a time of Joy..... but I think some of that might be a little lacking this year. But at the same time, new joys will come with being able to experience the first Christmas with our new kitties. Cameras will be on the ready!!

Well I think that is pretty much all of the big stuff for now. Hopefully I wont wait so long between posts again. For now, I go back to non-responsive kids, un-appreciative bosses, and....... THE OFFICE!! Here's wishing everyone well. My bed beckons and I shouldn't keep it waiting.

Hell Week

Well, as I thought, the past week did end up being my HELL WEEK! Several things-- almost everyday-- attributed to this week of frustration and, in so doing, made me really evaluate where I am in my life right now. Since it is a full weeks worth of drama, I ask ahead of time that you forgive me if I don't completely stay on track. I might leave some things out as well but Ill try to remember it all. SOOOOOOOO...... HERE IT GOES!

Monday:
This day was fairly quiet-- for the most part! I headed over to my nanny job at about 10:15-- I was told to feed Brooklyn and get her to lay down around 11 because Jeff said as soon as he gets home he was going back to bed. It seems that he and Stacey forgot about someone having to take Maddy to school on Monday! So I did as he asked and went home around noonish! I came back at 5 and fed the girls, gave them a bath, and played a little while. Mind you it started this early (Monday) that both of the girls decided they were going to really see how far they could push with me. I labeled the week with them ATTITUDE WEEK. I took them over to their grandma's around 8, then went home with one thought running through my head... 'That wasn't so bad. I can do this!"

Tuesday:
Of course, as a reminder, I do FKO on Tuesday and Thursdays. I should have known the day was going to be bad with the way it started off. I have a little boy named Jerry in my class. Now his grandma said they were working on potty training with him. And it was not going so great. He had an accident not 5 minutes after his dad dropped him off. So I had to halt a conversation with another parent that I was having and take Jerry to the bathroom so I could change him, and at the same time run back to my room and clean up the carpet before the other kids decided to walk through it and sit and put their hands in it. So I got Jerry cleaned up (Note*: FKO started 2 weeks ago and Jerry had an accident on the first day as well so... yea). So as I was cleaning Jerry up I told him that he needs to let me know when he needs to go potty so we don't have accidents any more. Not 10 minutes later....... he has another accident. I was speechless. I literally stood there for 2 minutes just looking at him. So I went and changed him... again.. and this time put him in a pull up. Just to add to the day, the rest of my kids decided they weren't going to listen to a word I said. They would look me in the eye and intentionally do the opposite of what I told them. I was completely blown away. I didn't understand what was going on and why they were deliberately disobeying. I went home that day seriously considering quitting FKO. That was by far the worst day I had had at FKO since I started working there.

Wednesday:
I went to my Nanny job at 10:45 as I usually do. Its pouring rain and as usual Jeff is asleep in his bed at the front of the house. Now this family just finished getting their formal living and dining room hard wood floors done. I always come in the back, as does everybody else. I show up at 10:45 and Brooklyn has not shown up yet. Her grandma was supposed to drop her off. So I waited. At about 10:55 I hear the doorbell. My first thought is CRAP WHO'S RINGING THE DOORBELL, JEFF IS SLEEPING. So I run to the door (as quietly as I can) and open it up and there stands Brooklyn and her grandma. I'm soo confused-- she knows Jeff is sleeping and on top of that, its pouring raining and now Brooklyn has to walk on the newly done floors to get to the den. I have the grandma telling me Oh April, your going to have to dry that up, quick. So I'm standing there thinking, "Well what do you want me to do, take this stuff out of your hands and make sure Brooklyn doesn't fall and break her neck, or go and wipe up the water on the floor?!?! So I took Brooklyn back to the den and got her situated, then got a towel and got on my hands and knees and wiped up the water. I went to go get Brooklyn some lunch and she didn't want anything that was available and gave me her usual twisted face and stomped out. I fed her lunch, whether she liked it or not, and then we went to go lay down. And of course she started crying, "I don't want to go to sleep in my crib." My first thought was, "Well I wouldn't either if I was almost 4 and still in a crib." But unfortunately if I lay her on the couch she wont go to sleep, and as cranky as she had been SHE NEEDED SLEEP! I left a little after 2 and tried to take a quick nap, which really wasn't happening. I went back that night and the girls had attitude again. I found out Maddy lied about the drink situation in her lunch so I told her I was going to have to tell her mom and she said I KNOW. The girls were eating dinner (Hot dog, goldfish and half an apple) and everything was fine, except Brooklyn was eating as slower then a snail's pace. Ive been trying to get her to learn to eat in like a 45 minute window because at FKO they have about that long to eat and play before its time to pick up and head to nap time, and she had been doing real well for a couple of weeks. So I started their bath, and Maddy was ready, but Brooklyn sat at the table, playing with her apples. She had already been eating for an hour at this point. Now on a side note, whenever I have to give the girls a bath I have a special thing I do with them. I wrap up each of them in their robes then throw them on the bed. After they lay there for a few minutes I shake them and that's how they drive off, and they love it. Its now become a must every time I am there for bath time. So back to the story. I kept on telling Brooklyn that she needed to eat her apples and not play with them. She would look at me then continue playing. So I told her that if I had to ask her to eat her apples again then I wouldn't throw her on the bed. And needless to say I had to ask again. So I told her no bed. She didn't believe me until the girls were getting out of the bath and Maddy got to be thrown, but not her. She pitched a bloody fit. So I had to explain to her that I wasn't doing it to be mean, but she needed to realize that I shouldn't have to ask her 10 times to do something and that there are consequences to repeatedly ignoring me. Of course she kept crying but she said she understood. I dropped the girls off at grandmas and went home. *sigh*

Thursday:
FKO again. I had had time to calm down and relax from Tuesday. Or at least as relaxed as I could be. I went in there thinking, "Today is a new day. New beginning. It will be great." Jerry showed up and I took him straight to the bathroom so we wouldn't have an accident. His grandmother told me that there were 3 changes of clothes in his bag and 1 pull up, because she didn't want him getting the idea that he could run around in pull ups all the time. Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't pull ups a potty training AID? If you know that he is prone to accidents wouldn't it make since to put him in a pull up and work from there. Now if I had only 3 kids at FKO, then I could devote more time to taking Jerry to the potty every 10 minutes. But i have 6-7 each day. I cant keep running to the bathroom to change him or make sure he actually goes, on top of making sure my other kids are tearing down the building. Long story short.... Jerry had 3 accidents this day. 2 of them within 5 minutes. The director of FKO, Kathy, ended up taking care of the last 2. She could tell that there was no way I could keep running back and forth with him. I'm really grateful she was able to help. That night Maddy had lost her privilege of my playing "Deer" with her (Deer is pretty much her running around and me trying to catch her). Her grandmother had told me, when I went to pick up Brooklyn for FKO, that Maddy was smart mouthing her all morning. So when I asked Maddy what had gone on that morning she tried to tell me it was all her grandmothers fault, which I knew was a lie. So she lost the Deer privilege and we watched a movie instead. Stacey, the mom, ended up coming back that night because her flight into Houston on Friday had been cancelled because of the hurricane so she found a flight into Midland that night. So with this being the case, I still took the girls over to their grandmother's only I took them a little later then usual. I was excited that I wouldn't have to go back Friday night!!

Friday:
I showed up at 10:45 as usual.... only no one was home except Jeff, who was asleep. I waited, and waited, and waited. Around 5-10 minutes after 11 Stacey walks in with Brooklyn. Shes hurried because she is supposed to open her store so she gets her stuff and goes. I do my usual with Brooklyn, "Brooklyn want to play something?" "No, I want to watch Dora." 'Well we can play something while we watch Dora." "SHSHHSHSHHSHHSHSHSHHHSH I cant hear." "Brooklyn, #1 you do not talk to me that way, #2 What have I told you about saying please and thank you?" Lunch was made and eaten, she was laid down for a nap, then I sat there waiting anxiously for Jeff to get up so I could go home. I was glad that part of the horror week was over.
Friday night I went over to my friend Kristen's, and she gave me a nice little pep talk about some thoughts I had about where my life was going. It was a good push and it made me realize how much I was going to miss her.

Saturday:
This day...... my fish.... committed suicide. You read right, he committed suicide. I had had Daniel for quite a bit, a year, if not almost a year. About 4-5 months after I got him he started to swell up. It looked like he had swallowed a rock or something. I kept thinking he was going to keel over any day. But he was such a trooper and perservered on. I thought he'd die of natural causes at least. So Saturday, I had just cleaned his bowl (I will say I am in major fault because I always seem to wait too long to change his bowl) and I realized I ran out of water conditioner and that I would have to go to Petsmart Monday. So I'm sitting at my computer around 2 something and I hear this noise like something fell, like a bottle cap or something. Now Sophie was in my room and I should have known because she was looking up, while I was looking down. I didn't see anything and went on my way. I fell asleep after 5 and woke up at 6 and decided to feed Daniel. So I look for him.. don't see him. I stand up on my little stool and look directly in the bowl.... nothing. My first thought is, "I did put him back right-- he didn't get washed down the sink? Yes I did. WHERE THE HELL IS HE?" My second thought was, "Oh crap if he jumped out I hope Sophie or Alex didn't eat him. They have been in and out of my room all day." So I start searching the floor........ and I found him. He was under my little rolling cart by my bed-- covered in fuzz and hair-- stiff as a rock. I couldn't believe my fish would rather jump from 3 feet in the air to its death then live with me. I felt like a fabulous pet owner that day. That night I ended up going bar hopping with Kristen and some other friends from work. It was........ different. All I can say is I never have and never will be a "bar" girl.

So that's how the week ended. I'm soooo glad its over. I have much more to look forward to now. All the good TV starts back up in the next few weeks. And hopefully the Denver game today is a sign that this week will be far better then the last. Mind you I only got the last 9 minutes of the game but OMG i cant remember a time where I was soo nervous the last 2 minutes that I just couldn't sit down. Out of any of the games that San Diego one was the one I really hoped we would win and wanted to win.... AND WE DID!! By a miracle, mind you, but a win none the less. Mom and I had another tiny tiny sob fest at the kitchen table, today, thinking about Christmas and how Winston wouldn't be with us this year and how hard its going to be not seeing him under the tree. But then thoughts went to remembering that we needed to find the kitties stockings for Christmas and get them their own ornaments since Winston had his and its only right that they have theirs.

I still have a lot on my mind. This blog is devoted to the past week. My other thoughts will have to wait for a later date. But for now, I'm going to go watch some Cold Case and relax on my bed with Sophie by my side. I sure missed not being able to spend our usual quality nap time together, and apparently so did she. Till next time, here's to a much better week, and a lot less urine.

Im alive..... REALLY!

So yes it has been a while-- and yes I did fall off the face of the earth. But I'm alive.... REALLY! Its not so much that there is alot going on but just that I have been busy with the same thing almost everyday so I haven't wanted to sit down and actually write! So I'll update you on April's life.

*The Jobs: So the nanny job has been a little stressful lately. I don't know if it is because school is starting soon or just the monotony of summer but my patience level has dwindled greatly. I have, however, started to stand up a little more for myself and not necessarily let things go so easily. Of course I don't have kids so I really think sometimes that what I think is ridiculous when it comes to some of the ways these kids are being raised that I really don't know what I'm talking about. So I have had to bite my tongue on alot of things and just do as I am told. But most of the time I am having to mend some fences and pick up broken pieces, which is heart breaking.
My boss goes to a "Market" for her store in Vegas each year. And it just so happens that it is Monday through Friday the week after FKO starts. Last year it started on a Thursday, so I wasn't over there as much as I thought I would be. But this year, I think, is going to be a little different. I think this year I might actually have to be the definition of an actual nanny. I mean possibly living there for a week. It should be....... interesting. Of course nothing has been set in stone, or even talked about for that matter, but I'm preparing myself for a week of high stress, low patience, and little sleep. So ...... we'll see.

As for FKO, I'm actually anxious for it to start. Next week are our teacher work days and I cant wait to decorate my room. I remember when my sister was teaching and was telling me about setting up her room and she always sounded so excited but I could never really grasp how she felt. But I do now! I know I started last year with my first actually class, no floating or previous teachers teaching with me ion my class, so technically last year was my first year to decorate. But I was "newbie" and didn't have a whole lot to work with so I used what they had and made it work. But this year I sort of went all out. I went to Abilene Educational Supply (Big mistake, I can spend hundreds of dollars on there..... its just so great) and found a whole bunch of frog/pond related things. Since my class is the dragonflies, frogs were the closet I could come. So I bought a whole bunch of new things and got them laminated (Quick shout out and thanks to Brenda, my boss, who was kind enough to go with me to Region 14 to get everything laminated... I had no clue what I was doing and she was such a huge help), and I really just cant wait!!

*Friends: So My best friend Kristen is struggling with what to do living wise. Her husband works a job down at Fort Stockton so they don't get to see each other often. I know she misses him terribly and it has to be putting a slight strain on the family. That, accompanied with other the other stresses of her daily life, have led her to consider moving down with him. And while I will miss her greatly and be bored out of my mind, all I want is for her to be happy and less stressed. So I told her I am behind her 100% and that all it means is more road trips for me lol!!

Also, my friend Tara is coming back down this weekend! After our her previous trips down here we both agreed that seeing each other once every 3 or 4 months just wasn't going to cut it. She brings out my crazy side and I missed that. So I am really looking forward to seeing her again. I had every intention of going down there but finances were not allowing me. But she was soo great and said she would come down here. She's been traveling alot so I told her I would understand if she didn't want to be she said... NO, I'M COMING!! lol So I'm looking forward to a great weekend with a great friend!

Family: My parents went to their first doctors appointment with their new doctor (off base... thank god) and they really liked him. Mom had said that all she wanted was a doctor who would actually listen to her and hear her...... and apparently she got that, which I was thrilled about. My dad said that he has more tests run that day then he did in his entire Air Force career. So I feel good knowing that they are in good hands.
I went down to see my sister in July. It was a nice trip. I got to see Christopher, and hold him. He felt so tiny, smaller then Zach even. But Diana told me that Zach was actually smaller. But I think he looks sooo much like her and he is beautiful, just like she is. It was a nice visit, and I was glad to see her, but since this is my blog, and I vent here, I will say that it was a true challenge going down there with just my dad. My dad and I have never really been super close. Not that we haven't tried, I just don't think we have a whole lot in common, you know?! Anyway, we spoke maybe 10 words on the way up there and 10 words on the way back. Its weird because when he used to take me back at school in Stephenville we would talk about all sorts of things. But it just seems to be gone. At times I feel like he's not satisfied with what I am doing with my life. And I know its just a parent wanting the best for his daughter, but I don't think he realizes that some of the things he says, and the way he says it...... hurts. So I take it with a grain of salt, and then mull over it, usually cry a little, then suck it up. So by writing this I've come to realize that Ive built up a tough skin and a very thick wall between me and my dad. Who knows if it will get better or not. He has mood swings (as all men do.... you know what I'm saying :) ) So we have our good times and bad times. The good times are soo good, but the bad times are awful. You can touch the tension with a knife. I don't know........

Miscellaneous: I AM SOOOOO PISSED! They have moved the Premier of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince to July of NEXT YEAR! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The reasons they gave were that they thing they would profit more from a Summer release, and that the writer's strike hit them hard and they just want to make sure that the script and stuff was the best it could be and blah blah blah!! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! SO MAD!
Ive been keeping up with the Olympics for the most part. YAY for Michael Phelps! What an athlete, that's all I can say! Doesn't hurt that hes a looker either lol!! Women's gymnastics has been good as well. I love that Nastia Lueken Won the gold after Shawn seemed to be the golden girl! Good for her! I have also found myself getting caught up with Women's Volleyball, the pairs that is! Man they are good! But I'm kind of looking forward to their end. Having to tape 5-6 hours every night is getting a little frustrating lol!

As for the kittens, well they are growing! Sophie is all fluffy, and clings to me as often as she can. When I have to go out she left me know of her disapproval, and then shuns me when I come home. She is definitely, and I think always will be, momma's girl!! YAY! We decided to introduce treats this week. Alex took to them right away. Sophie, however, wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. She would sniff them, then try to bury them, then walk away. I cant believe I'm going to have a cat who doesn't like treats. But I decided that each payday we will get 2 more different treats and try some until we find some she likes. We will end up with TONS of treats, mind you, but that doesn't matter. I'm wondering if maybe she prefers the hard treats over the soft. I don't know but I will get down to the bottom of it lol!

All I have to say is...... 38 DAYS TILL THE OFFICE!!

Mom is working frivolously to finish my quilt. There were a few miscalculations of length of material and I know she is concerned/upset with herself about it but I told her i didn't care, I just wanted my quilt and Ill love it no matter what! So by Wednesday I will have a new quilt on my bed, and I'm excited!

As I'm sure most of you know we are in full football swing now. Denver lost its first game to Houston and won its second game against Dallas! I was all about catching every game but I went out with Kristen the day of the Dallas game, but they had it on a screen in Chili's so I was able to catch bits and pieces. Of course the one time I don't watch we win. It figures. I wont catch this weeks either because Tara is coming in and we are going out. But really its just pre-season and it doesn't result in anything but seeing how the team stacks up for the season. All I can do is remain hopeful but expect the worst. One of our best players, John Lynch, went to New England (YUCK) so that was disappointing. And let me just say I can not believe that the Jets let go of their first string quarter back just to take on Brett Favre. I'm sorry I think that is ridiculous. Whatever, its not like the Broncos have made the best decisions either so.... yeah.

Alright I think its time to wrap it up! I have a feeling it may be a while before I update again so I hope all are well and stay well. I will continue to survive until some normalcy arrives. Till then... farewell!

Updates and Misc.

So just to start off, this blog is not about anything specific so it might become random and maybe hard to follow!

OK, so my sister finally had her baby on Friday! Its nice to know Christopher has finally joined us and I know my sister is much excited that he is too. I talked to her that night and she sounded great, probably the best I've ever heard someone after they've had a baby! So that made me happy as well. I'm sure that most of you who read my blog read my sisters as well so I wont talk about the whole induction date mix up! But i will say that for the crisis at hand, she seemed to take it about as well as any almost 1 week past due pregnant woman could! So kudos to her for being able to keep her cool! Anyway, I'm going to visit her the first weekend in August. I am looking forward to seeing her and the boys.

Another subject! So as I'm sure you all know Winston's passing has been hard (I'm sure you are all tired of hearing about it and thinking "Move on for goodness sake, you have 2 new kittens). Anyway, I do still have moments where I cant help but cry, but for the most part I try to pull myself together. Friday afternoon I was cleaning up my room and found a bottle of asthma pills for Winston, and I lost it. I didn't know what to do with them. The logical part of me said, "Flush them" but the emotional side said, "Its a keepsake so you;ll never forget them... keep them!" So I took them to my mom, in tears, and gave them to her so she could decide what to do. Ive a picture of Winston as my cell phone background and desktop background since I can remember. And this weekend I changed them both to pictures of Sophie. As backwards as it sounds, it was actually becoming more difficult to see Winston every day then it was easier. Brooklyn, one of the little girls I watch, everyday will say, "Is that your dead kitty?" as my phone opens. It got to the point where i couldn't handle it anymore. Maddy tells her, "Brooklyn don't talk about it, it makes her sad." But Brooklyn hasn't grasped that concept yet.

Different subject. So I have 2 days of FKO left before a month break before the regular school year. I must say I am really looking forward to the break. Of course summertime is going to be hectic at any mother's day out program, but as I'm sure most of you can tell by now..... I LIKE STRUCTURE!! So while the first few weeks were an incredible challenge for me (that's an understatement) I've actually settled in quite well and have a very steady flow of things. So from here it is pretty much just enjoying my last 2 weeks with the kids (since some of them wont be coming back in the fall) and making sure they have a good time while they are there.

New Subject! So I'm going to try and generalize the following situation! Say, you have a person who is in the position to tell you what to do. And of course you listen and accommodate because you need the monetary repercussions. And at the beginning of this professional relationship the person seemed to be very understanding of your life, the need for structure and times and such, but as the year past that understanding was replaced by, "You accepted this "relationship" you have to do what I say! Then it progressed to me being "on call" at pretty much all times. Situations arise and things are said that you clearly think are inappropriate and not OK, but you have to take into consideration the amount of stress this other person is under and the fact that they may not understand that things they say is rude or inappropriate. Where do you draw the line. How much can you say in your defense without crossing the "professional" line. The relationship of course has its ups and downs but for the most part you are happy with where it is at. Your not upset to the point of breaking off this relationship. You just want to know how much you can say before you really shouldn't say anymore. *sigh* That's about as vague as I can get. That's just some things that have been going through my mind!

MOVING ON!! So ABC and NBC have posted the starting dates for a majority of their Fall line up and I started to get excited about these shows that I had kind of forgotten about, but missed.
Brothers & Sisters, Samantha Who? Pushing Daisies, Eli Stone, Heroes. But there is one, above all others, that I simply cannot wait for............................THE OFFICE! That's right folks, mark your calendars because on Thurs. September 25th from 8-9 (central) The Office will return with its hour season premiere! I'm really kind of freaking out. It cant come soon enough. On another TV note-- Lance Bass, bass singer for NSYNC , has signed on to be part of Dancing with the Stars. So its no guess who will automatically be one of my favs. for the win! Oh the memories! As for Big Brother, I honestly haven't favored some over others. I think its too soon to tell who I'm going to like and who I wont. I can tell you right now I'm not a fan of Jerry or Renny.... surprise surprise lol!

Alright time to wrap up! Things to do-- pets to feed and annoy!! Hope everyone has a good week! OOHHHHh Diana gets to go home today so welcome home sis! LOVE YOU! LOVE YOU ALL!! I'm out!

Wine, Chicken Foot, Agent 86, The Phone Number, & Midori Sours

So this past weekend I had a dear friend come to visit me! Tara is pretty much the only person I still talk to from Tarleton so its nice to see her again. See last time I went to see her I ended up getting sick so the weekend could have gone better! She arrived Friday afternoon (she would have arrived a little earlier but Google Maps failed her). She absolutely adored the kitties and they adored her!

So that night Tara, myself, and my mom opened up some wine and we introduced her to Chicken Foot! It took her only 2 rounds to finally get the hang of it and she was hooked! We played till at least 11-12 I think! And then Tara indulged me with my first round of Harry Potter Scene It!, which she actually won (and my ego was shot lol).

The next day we played some more chicken foot and Harry Potter Scene It! (I finally won lol) and then it was nap time. Kristen called me and asked if we wanted to come over later that night to hang out and play pool and stuff! So when Tara got up I asked her. I think I caught her off guard because she was a little leery that she wouldn't have anything to talk about with Kristen and Allen and she didn't know how to act. So i told her what K told me ACT LIKE YOURSELF! She agreed to hang out (hesitantly) and then we headed off to go see Get Smart!! We showed up at the the theater and went to go give out tickets when I look up and see a giant cut out of DWIGHT from The Office behind the ticket taker. Only Dwight was not dressed as Dwight, he was almost naked with nothing but a banana hammock on, long wavy brown hair, and a sword in each hand. Spontaneously, without thinking I shouted OMG THAT'S DWIGHT! I think the ticket taker thought I was crazy. Anyway, Get Smart was sooooooo funny! It had to have been the funniest movie Ive seen in a while. Steve Carell (Agent 86) is quickly becoming my favorite comedian!! MUST SEE! MUST GO SEE! EVERYONE GO SEE!!
After the movie we headed to Red Robin which neither of us had been to. It wasn't too crowded and a pleasant environment, and we sat down and ordered and caught up on whats been going on with each other. Our waiter was pretty handsome and very kind (of course what waiter isn't that wants a big tip lol) They did have some mighty fine drinks there and I even asked the waiter to just make me a drink the way he thought it needed to be made. He brought me an Ultimate Margarita, gave me a gentle punch on the shoulder and said, "This will knock you on your ass!!"...................................AND IT DID!! lol So as we were about to leave Tara got some spirit in her and decided to leave her number for the waiter. She asked me if I wanted her to leave my number and i was like NO NO NO! Should have just been spontaneous and said yes but oh well right! Anyway, she did leave her number and then we high tailed it out of the restaurant lol! I think she was nervous the waiter would see the ticket while we were still there or something lol!
After a quick bathroom break at the house we headed over to Kristen's. By this time Tara is really excited to head over to K's! I had told her when I came down to visit that my new favorite drink was a Midori Sour. Kristen was the one who introduced me to it! SOOOOOO good! Anyway, Allen became bartender and Tara got to try her first Midori Sour! I think she liked it! Anyway, we played pool and listened to music and danced (Well me and Kristen did!!) and talked. It really was soo much fun!!! We left Kristen's around 3 am and headed to Whataburger for a taquito on my part and chicken strips for Tara! It didn't take long for us to fall asleep lets just say that!!

The next morning we played another round of chicken foot then Tara headed home! It was such a great weekend. I really cant remember the last time I had such a great exciting and relaxing weekend where I just completely enjoyed myself.

Sadly, things went back to normal yesterday as the week began and it was back to work. Seems its always worse and harder to get back to your daily routine when you have a holiday! So I always have to remind myself that Holidays might be fun, but the aftermath sucks!!

On a completely different note, my sister is due to have Christopher any day now. Or I hope any day now for her sake! I'm sending contraction/birthing thoughts to you Diana!! Here's hoping!! Anyway, everyone have a good week and I hope your 4th of July weekend was as enjoyable as mine!

It's the Little Things

So this past week has been one of the longest I can remember! FKO is still proving to be a bit of a challenge with soo many kids at one time. And my nannying job bumped up a notch this week with having to come back at 5 everyday for about 3 weeks. But throughout this most chaotic week there have been small things here and there that lift me up; just little things that make me smile!! Sooooo.... I thought id tell you about them!!

1. After a rough week with the girls I nanny for, they both still come up on Friday when I'm done for the week and give me the biggest hugs!

2. Although i was aware that my nephew could say my name I rarely heard him say it. Then Friday I get a voice mail and there is my nephew saying my name, telling me he loves me and giving me kisses. Words cant describe-- I'm sure most of you understand what I'm talking about!

3. Again, I have been gone alot this week; away from my kitten! And i do feel so awful when she gives me the most pitiful look as I walk out the door. However, when I come home between 2:30-3 and lay down for a short nap before my second shift, she comes in my room, crawls under the sheet and sleeps snuggled up beside my leg. She stays there until I get up and then proceeds to be very vocal about her dislike of my departure again. She's definitely a momma's girl... YAY!!

4. I ordered Chilis on Friday and when I brought it home I realized they gave me a 2nd order of Country Fried Chicken Crispers but didn't charge me for it. Now I know some might say, "Seriously, this makes you happy?" But honestly, how many of you don't get excited when they accidentally give you an extra burrito/taco or something! Its like Food Christmas or something!! lol

5. I went to Abilene Educational Supply on Wednesday! Mind you, I have never been there before. And I realized I probably shouldn't have ever gone there. I'm pretty sure I spent a majority of the time with my mouth open just starring! I could spend a fortune at that store. But what pleasantly surprised me was that I found a ton of cute things to go with the Pond theme I am going for in my FKO room! Cute frogs and dragonflies-- i was literally giddy! Its been a while since I have been giddy!

6. Ive never been one to have a ton of friends. I usually have 2-3 really really good friends then some acquaintances. When I was away at college I went through soo many roommates coming and going that I started to think I would never really connect with any of them! And then Tara came along. And while any friendship has its rough spots, we weathered through! I got word this week that she is going to make it down the weekend of the 4th! I'm so excited! I went back to S-Ville in April, and while i was sooo excited to hang out again I ended up getting sick and it sort of put a damper on the weekend! So now we get to try again and its on my turf so I cant wait to show her around (not that there is much to show lol).

So those are just a few things that; while this past week was hell; I was able to see a light!! I truly love the little things!! I just finished putting sheets on my new bed (Its about time!! ) and cleaning the necessary parts of the bathroom in order to put up the new shower caddy, shower curtain, and bathroom carpet! Lots of changes in the Scott household! For the better, of course!!

On a totally random note: Ive heard some music and seen a few movies recently I thought I would pass along:
#1: I always liked Coldplay, but I wasn't a die hard fan. They had a few songs I liked but not much more. I bought their new album Viva la Vida. OMG I loved it! It was different from what I have been listening to and it just blew me away! Check it out!!
#2: Ive been a huge fan of One Republic, since before they hit big! You must listen to their album "Dreaming Out Loud." I love when a man sings but when a group of men sing, and sounds phenomenal its even better! Their songs are deep and meaningful. I actually used one of them, Come Home, in a little home video thing I made of our late cat Winston! Makes me cry every time!
#3: I went to go see Nanny McPhee 2 weeks ago with the girls at the Movie Camp thing they are having at the Century Theater! I had never seen it and never had a huge desire to. But man, that was a great movie. It was a clean movie that taught morals better then I have seen a movie do in a long time. Very pleasantly surprised. If you haven't seen it-- go rent it! It will be worth it!
#4: I also recently watched The Other Boleyn Girl! Apparently this movie is based on some facts; facts I was quite unaware of. Now while I am not a huge history buff I found it fascinating. This about the sisters, and their brother-- man it kind of shocked me and made the movie that much better! See it!!

Alright I think I'm done for the day! I have no idea what I will do next today! I have several options! Who knows lol! Anyway, everyone enjoy their weekend! Oh, and Happy early birthday to Allen Wooten! He turns 23 on Wednesday! Man I first met him when he was 16! I feel old now! DAMN!!

Just checkin in!

So I can already tell you that this blog will not be very long. The past week has been the busiest one since I can remember. And of course there will always be a part of me that will whine and complain that I'm tired (I'm always tired lol), but the cash flow is worth it. Bills Bills BILLS right! Finally the stimulus checks came in today! And since I had already gone to the IRS website and used their little calculator to figure out how much I was getting, I was not surprised to see less then I had hoped. But at least I got any at all right?!



FKO started back up for the summer this week. Mind you this is the first summer I have worked for FKO! Last year at this time I was still a sort of floater so my presence wasn't required. Well I was in for a shock! I knew I had 9 kids enrolled in my class but not the slightest bit of mental preparation could prepare me for the perfect storm that was FKO on Thursday! 7 of my kids showed up and Shannon, the women who teaches the 4 &5 year olds had 7-8 ( I honestly cant remember.. I'm sitting here at this very moment trying to remember the names of all the kids I had.) Anyway, the only reason why it was a whirlwind for me is because I am usually used to 6 kids.......AT THE MOST!! So yea, it was definitely an experience!



I took Sophie to the vet on Thursday for her spaying/declawing! I know she knew something was up the night before because of the cats where just crazy. Plus Sophie couldn't eat after 8 so that didn't help things! Thursday morning was heart wrenching! As I left her on the counter at the vet, I looked back and shes looking at me, head cocked, and giving me a look like HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? It was.....awful! But I was at the vet's office Friday morning before 10 (which the instructions said I could pick her up anytime AFTER 10) and I got her the hell out of there. She, nor Alex, will EVER EVER EVER go back to that vet-- too many bad memories for me as well as mom and our current kitties, the staff is 50/50 on whether you will catch them in a good mood-- and the vets are below par for me.... there is such a thing as BED SIDE MANNER for God's sake. Anyway, i really would like to just forget about that place... so I will work on that whole heartedly! Anyway, Sophie is recovering nicely-- the scar on her tummy looks painful but she seems to be back to her old self. One thing that has changed is she is very very clingy to me. I get a looked of deep sadness when I have to leave and sleeps on my bed or under the sheet attached to my foot. I can hold her forever it seems and she will sleep in my arms! I never want to have to leave her like that again! Oh, a funny thing though-- i found out that Sophie's skin is SPOTTED!! Like a dalmation! Pink skin with black dots! Its crazy! I LOVE IT!!



So to leave off I'm going to post a video I took of Sophie and her new found love for TV! It really was too cute for me not to share! As for me, I'm sure there will be many more weeks like this to come. Lets hope I can cope! Goodnight!

They Grow Up So Fast

So FKO finished up its school year on the 22nd of May. And though I thought I had prepared myself for this day, I ended up balling like a baby. Like I have said before, many of the kids I had this year I had had for 2 years, so I got to watch them grow up. Now, 3 of them were moving up to the next class and I just couldnt bear to let them go. Kate, Jacob, and Brooklyn will soon be Grasshoppers (Thats the 4-5yr. olds class) and won't be Dragonflies (my class) and so everytime i looked at them on that last day i kept tearing up. Needless to say it was a hectic day all around- it was Water Day so it was playing in kiddy pools and sprinklers-- but when it came time for nap time I didnt even care if they slept or laid down-- the 4 that stayed awake (Brooklyn, Jacob, Kate and Reagan) all moved their mats into a circle and talked and laughed. And of course seeing that made me cry to. And although I know that I will be getting new kids this summer-- there is still a selfish part of me that wishs and hopes those 3 will still run to me first thing when they get to school-- or come to me when they fall down or something-- and while I know that that really shouldnt happen because Shannon is their teacher now-- They will still be MY kiddos!!

(From Left to right: TOP: Kate, Brooklyn; BOTTOM: Jacob, Kylee, Reagan, and Madison)

On a similar note, Maddy, one of the girls I nanny for, just finished up her first year of school. I got to go pick her up on Friday and I felt like I was in a daze the entire time. It was soo hard for me to comprehend that I had been watching her and her sister for a full year already. They really do grow up way to fast. When I first started watching the girls they were quite timid around me. But funny enough, it only took them a couple weeks before it was, "April, lets play zoo! April, lets play Little People! April, can we play this, etc....."

As should be expected, the more I was with them the more they tested the boundaries as to what they could get away with. But I loved how when it came time to leave they never wanted me to, and always wanted to know when I was coming back. So Maddy started school in September and it became just Brooklyn and I most of the time. We got to grow closer and got into a routine, so when the rare occasion came that I watched both of them Brooklyn would wonder why she didnt get me all to herself. It was actually an adjustment for me as well. Brooklyn is very much the independent little girl, she usually played by herself and rarely asked me to play with her. But when her sister was home everything she did she wanted me involved!

(One of the things the girls love for me to do is take pictures of them with my cell phone. They actually posed for this picture and it took several tries because Maddy kept on saying she looked weird in them lol! Maddy also like to grab my cell phone and make her own movies of her running around going crazy and then sit back and watch them. Its out little thing!)

But as time went on this year Maddy started to grow up. Thats pretty much the only way I can describe it. She made it seem as though it wasn't as cool to have me over as it was when I first started. She always said she couldnt remember what she did in school that day and never really wanted to talk about it. So I started to re-learn my place with her and give her space accordingly. Then, the last week of school came, and everytime I was over there she came home and wanted to show me what she had done all year in school; she made me look at every piece of arts and crafts and made sure i didnt miss anything! I had gotten my Maddy back! So to sum up; between Brooklyn moving up a class and Maddy graduating Kindergarten-- I have been an emotional mess! I have grown attached-- and for a while I didnt think that was a good thing-- But i wouldnt have it any other way now! I was a little worried about this summer and finding enough to do with the girls to keep them occupied-- but i'm looking forward to it now! They are doing this summer kids movie thing at the Century theater (the nice theater in town) to where there is a different movie playing every Tuesday and we have tickets for all the showings so movies on Tuesdays will be my thing with the girls and i cant tell you how much I love that!! So I'll leave you with 2 pictures of the girls all grown up-- these are pictures of them after having watched them for a year-- the change is astounding! Till next time.... hooray for attachement!!

Sophie & Alex

Warning: Contains TONS of Pictures!!

So yesterday we introduced 2 new members into the Scott household, Sophie & Alex! Both of them are around 9 weeks old but Sophie appears to have been the runt of the litter-- weighing in at almost 2 1/2 pounds, where her brother is a hearty 4.8!! So I figured I would break this blog down into sections and go from there!!

Sophie:

Sophie was, and still sort of is, the shy one. She really is a tiny little thing and her brother has recognized his advantage over her. On the way home she didn't say a peep-- just hung out in the back and shook a little.

(Now we found these kittens a week ago and put a deposit down to make sure they were ours. This is Sophie when we first met her!)

Since Sophie is sooo small she has not been spayed or declawed yet. The people at the Taylor-Jones Humane Society said that ones she gets home and starts running around she will gain weight and hopefully within the next week she will have gained the weight needed to take care of all that. But...until then..... she is definitely enjoying her claws. Not only does she use them to climb up on my bed (which I can guarantee you she wont be able to do without the claws) but she also uses it as pretty much her only defense against her brother!!

The first day Sophie was here she was very very skiddish! If I took just one step toward her, she ran. And while I knew I had to give her time, I was becoming worried and sad because Winston and I had such an instant connection and I wanted that with Sophie. Oh, side note, while technically both cats belong to both mom and I, Sophie is "mine" and Alex is "mom's". She eventually warmed up to me around 8 or so last night. She came right out of my closet and almost rubbed the skin off of my leg. It was then that I knew we would make a fabulous team. The whole family has been keeping 2 sharp eyes on her to make sure she is eating and drinking (especially dad, he's been very concerned about Sophie drinking-- hes asked like 5 times already lol). We made sure that the first thing the kitties saw was the litter box, and Alex took right to it. But Sophie wanted nothing to do with it. So last night I left my door cracked enough for her to get out and then some-- but she decided to pee buckets on my bed instead-- while she sat there and looked right at me lol!! So I'm trying to watch her today and make sure she pees in the box. So following are some pictures of Miss Sophie!!

First Day:

This Morning:

As for Alex.... well I will leave his beginnings with us to my mom. So check her blog later for the story on him!

So what a week it has been and its only Wednesday! And on top of that-- this has to be a record that I posted 3 blogs in 1 month! Crazy!! Anyway, I'm going to get dressed and head to the vet before work! So I hope everyone has a great week!

What I was doing ten years ago:

At this very time 10 years ago I was about to finish up my first year of high school! OMG thats crazy! My sister was about to graduate, and while it was going to be weird not having her at school with me I was kind of excited to be out of her shadow and be the only person from the Scott family in that school! Diana was a very well liked student so it was intimidating to follow in her footsteps (LOVE YOU DIANA!)

5 Things on my To-Do List today:

1. Pick up things off my floor so my dad can spray my room
2. Go to my nanny job at 10:30
3. Come home and try to clear some tape
4. Go to my 2nd babysitting job at 6 till about 10:30
5. Clean Daniel's (my fishy) bowl

5 Places I have traveled:

1 .England (Dont know if I would consider that traveling-- I was born there)
2. Florida (Dont remember that one either-- but I dont go many places)
3. Hawaii (Dear God please let me go back someday)
4. Mexico (Ok it was an accident-- some friends and I crossed the border when we went to a barbeque place after a football game-- we were just walking and trying to scare each other but then we hear shouting in spanish and flashlights bouncing back and forth and we took off-- we weren't the only ones to have that adventure that night!)
5. Colorado

5 Snacks or Treats I enjoy:

1. Cheese Dip (mmmmmmm)
2. My new favorite chocolate cake with vanilla frosting
3. Mashed potatoes (major comfort food for me)
4. Hershey Kisses or Hugs
5. Mocha Carmel Cafe from Starbucks ( i didnt realize how much of a needed boost it gives me until I start to come down from the high lol)

What would I do if I were a Billionaire?

BILLS BILLS BILLS!! Those would be paid off for sure! Buy a car (Toyota preferably), Find a quaint little place to call my own, purchase 2-3 pets, pay back anybody I owe money to. As of right now thats all I can think of. Im a compulsive online shopper so who knows how long that money would last lol!

Places I've Lived:

1. Upper Hayford AFB, Upper Hayford, England
2. Eglin AFB (Niceville, FL) (Dont remember it but Diana swears that some of the memories I have are from there)
3. Dyess AFB (Abilene, TX)
4. S. 41st St. Abilene, TX
5. Arrowhead Dr. Abilene, TX
6. Willis St. Abilene, TX

Jobs I've had:

1. Concession stand worker at the theater in the Mall of Abilene (lasted a single day lol)
2. Contract Laborer for an asset management company
3. Babysitter, Babysitter, Babysitter/Nanny
4. Child care worker

5 People I'm Tagging:

The only people who I would tagged have already been tagged so I guess I will tag mom since I dont think she got that she was the random commentator!!

Impasse

I am at a fork in the road, a stalemate, and impasse. Lots of things are running through my head so my blog will be the place where it is released. Brace yourself!

Have you ever had one of those moments where you wish you could stand out in the middle of a street and just scream till you can’t anymore? I'm having a situation, and for the sake anonymity I will only tell the situation—and no names. For years I have kept my mouth shut about a certain situation; #1 because I feel it would be useless and lead to know where if it was brought up, and #2 because confrontation is as enjoyable to me as sitting through a Trigonometry class. And really I can’t blame anyone but myself for letting it go one because I haven’t had to guts to confront it. But that’s who I am. I reached the breaking point today and all of a sudden thought, “What the hell I should just say everything I'm thinking even though by doing so I could loose it all.” Would that really be so wrong if by doing it I may finally find me; find APRIL! I feel like I have sort of been a shell of me, going through the routines of this situation and at times questioning it all. There are times where I wish I could go back to a “convenient solitude.” Where I could go back to a place and time with the people of my choosing who are how they used to be when things were the best and just stay there. I realize that by having people there it wouldn’t really be solitude, but it’s the only way I think I could describe what I'm thinking.

Winston has been gone over a month now and I still see him running in the halls or feel his cold nose on my foot. It may sound completely silly but I really couldn’t care less at the moment. Its strange how something like the loss of a dearly loved pet (and I know its not a whole lot like loosing a relative or loved one) can make you take a step back and evaluate your life—who you are—who you wish you could be. There are a few things I realized. For one, I am 25 and living at home---- and I am truly HAPPY. I would love to know what is seriously so wrong with living at home, even at my age, if I am truly happy. What the hell does it matter? Could it be that I may not find a guy. Yes, I'm 25, yes I’ve never had a serious relationship, and yes there are times when I am lonely. But it’s meant to happen it will. I am not some poor woman all alone and sad. I AM HAPPY! If I needed the attention of a man so badly I could go out and become a whore. But that need has never there. It may be that I am meant to spend my life alone, and if that is what is planned for me then I will embrace it. But I guess I am just tired of feeling like I less accomplished, less of a person because I live with my parents and not on my own. I pay my own bills; I work 2 jobs, in no way do I slack off. If I felt for one minute that I was being a burden to my family by living with them you would bet that I would be out there looking for a 3rd or 4th job and trying to get out. I…. AM…… HAPPY! Do you know how longs its been since I could truly say that. Now while I am prone to have moments of puzzling situations as mentioned in the above paragraph, I would gladly take that and be happy then go back to have the awful temper I used to, and getting sick every month because of stress and pure ( and I mean straightforward, scary) rage.

I guess in a nut shell I just want everyone to quit worrying or concerning themselves about whether I am happy or doing the right thing and whether it’s best for me. And this is going out to absolutely no one in particular. I know that family and friends will want to look out for me; and I am blessed that care is present, but I just want to be ME, and have no questions or concerns about it. That may come off rude—and I am sorry for that—but I just need some support. I'm going to take control, and that’s a scary thing for me. But I have faith it can happen. I hope you can have faith in me too. But I have to do it my way—or I will fail before I can even begin.

I have started my journey by getting this off my chest. Good luck to all of you—just be who you are—I don’t feel you can ever be ashamed of yourself if you’re honest with who you are. You may not like it—but at least you’re not lying to yourself. Honesty is a hard thing—it takes courage. That will be a stop on my journey.

Anyway, I think I'm about done. Sorry for randomness. But it feels good to get it out.

Until next time!!

*April*

In Memory of Sir Winston

About 10 years ago my family was still living in apts. And my mom and I had hinted to my dad and sister that we wanted a cat. Of course we never thought it would actually happen but it was wishful thinking. But the Christmas of 1998 my dad and sister surprised my mom and I with the money to go buy a cat. Out first stop was the Humane Society. We both had in our heads that we were looking for a little kitten. I walked to the back—and a furry little gray tabby caught my attention. He was a little older then we were looking for, and there was a smaller kitten there but hadn’t been fixed or declawed yet. We told them we would come back and decided to go to the pound to see what they had. I'm pretty sure we were only in there maybe 5-10 minutes. That place was soooo depressing it broke my hear to be in there. So we went back to the Humane Society, and Winston became the newest member of our family. I remember thinking that I was really going to have to get used to his name. And I was a little confused because we were told that Winston came to be at the Humane Society because a little old lady said he was too frisky. In the entire time we had Winston I only recall a handful of times where I would have defined him as frisky. But nonetheless he fit right into our family.
















In the beginning he was in an exploratory phase—always testing the boundaries and seeing just how high he could get. And though my mom always feels bad about it—she did think about possibly taking him back. The thing I remember most about this time was that my sister was in her first year of college so I never saw her a whole lot and we seemed to always be up and down. But when there was the possibility that Winston would be returned she supported me as we told mom that we just couldn’t let him go and to give it a little more time. As mom and I look back on it now—it wasn’t so much that we didn’t want him or didn’t think we could handle him, it was more of the fact that we weren’t prepared for a kitten. So we used scotch tape to tape off shelves he wasn’t allowed on and had to watch the kitchen counters for stray tufts of fur!!



Winston had his favorite spots in the apt.: on top of the couch, under the recliner (we always had to watch that because he would sneak under there and then we would close it and hours later go looking for him!), on top of the bookshelves (at this height he felt invincible and would bat our head with his paws), and laundry baskets. So life continued as though we had had Winston forever!


Winston wasn’t always a huge player. We had a toy that we would use that he would chase and he would do that but other then that he found his own things to call toys. I liked to put scraps of fabric on him to make him look like he was SUPER CAT! And Josh, my brother in law (or was it my sister? Cant remember) tied a balloon to his tail and he FREAKED OUT on that one! But he would mostly just lay around and perfect the lazy cat stereotype.

Eventually we moved into a house. It was a traumatic time for him.. he hid behind the toilet in the bathroom even though I was in there keeping him company. He never felt the same about that bathroom again. But he eventually came around and became the leader, nay THE RULER of this house. You may wonder, “Did you mind that you always catered to him… that he ruled the roost?” Of course not, because even though he depended on mom and I for food and cleaning of certain waste disposal areas and demanded attention on his time…. I always knew that if I was sad or sick that he would come running in my room and stay with me whether I wanted him to or not. Soon certain schedules were formed, and habits arose. He would always be waiting for me either in the hallway by my door or in the entryway of the kitchen when I got home. I never knew how he knew I was home ( I guess its that super cat hearing, but then again mom said he would be there like ½ hour before I got home). He nearly always read the paper with mom in the morning—well mom read the paper he laid on it and demanded her petting, Noon was lunch time and he would let us know if we were late—and these things continued for a majority of his life.

In the part few years certain changes came—Winston’s asthma seemed to increase, he got really dry skin so he started to pull his hair out everywhere (which increased his baths which he was never too fond of), he would take little bites at mom, etc. But we figured he was stressed for some reason or another and that the dry weather was wreaking havoc on his skin. But regardless of these changes he was still Winston.

Winston had a great sense about people. If I brought a person to the house and Winston didn’t like them… that person actually ended up being not such a great person. I always felt like he was looking out for me.

So onto the most recent events. I guess about a month ago I noticed weird things with Winston. He followed me around everywhere—I mean into the bathroom when I took a shower—everywhere. He was more clingy then usual. But I liked that he wanted my attention. Then, about 2 weeks ago mom and I started noticing that he wasn’t eating much. He used to inhale his wet cat food at lunch time but he was now leaving at least half on the plate. He wasn’t eating his dry cat food—even the dental diet balls which he would always eat above everything else. So we changed wet cat food and we changed dry cat food and he seemed to adapt well to that and things went back to normal. Or so we thought. We then started noticing that he was loosing weight. I was only recently that the vet told us that Winston was a big boned cat—he had a large frame—so he wasn’t necessarily fat just “big boned.” But we could feel every vertebra in his spine, every bone in his pelvis. Something was obviously up. So we made an appointment at the vet. Little side note—at this time Winston now never ever left either my side or my moms side—he slept with us and didn’t paw to get out of the rooms—and he seemed to favor the top of one of the cabinets in my mom’s room.

We took him vet on Monday and he was none to happy. The vet looked at him and said that he had lost weight (about 1 ½ lbs which felt like 10). She didn’t feel anything abnormal in his body so she took some blood for a full blood panel. The vet said that we probably wouldn’t find out until the next morning. So it became a waiting game….. but neither mom nor I would voice the gut feeling we had. So the Tuesday I left for work at 8:45 sort of pissed off because I was hoping we would hear from the vet before I left. I got to work and was distracted obviously. I had my cell phone close by and was waiting for the call. My boss, Brenda, who is also my best friends mom, came into the room and told me that my mom was on the phone, she had called the church I worked at instead of my cell. After that it is kid of fuzzy. She told me that everything on his blood panel came up critical and that it wasn’t good and I needed to come home. I sobbed uncontrollably the whole way home.. repeating NO NO NO NO. I came home and went straight to Winston. I just cried—that’s all I knew to do. I felt like he was looking at me like “Whats wrong?” He didn’t look in pain—he just looked tired. I stayed with him for the rest of the time. Mom called Diana and Dad and told them what was going on. The vet said that he didn’t even know how Winston was still walking—he should have been comatose. Diana and Dad both said that he was still being so strong because of Mom and I. I didn’t know if that made me feel better or worse. I love how he was fighting so hard to be strong for us but I also hated that he was putting himself in pain to be strong for us. The time came to take him for his last ride. And thinking about it makes me cry—its like he knew. He had been soooo quiet all day and when he got in the car he wouldn’t stop meowing—it made it so hard and I felt so bad. We got to the vets and went to the back and placed him on this cold metal table. The vet came and talked to us. To me he was cold and insincere. I could never be a vet because I would become attached to the animals. He really needed to work on his bedside manner. Final diagnosis seemed to be kidney cancer but that would be positive unless and autopsy was performed and well that just wasn’t happening. He shaves his arm and told us we would probably have to hold him down.. but Winston just layed down and became quiet. The vet administered the drug and Winston shrunk down. Of course mom and I were a mess. The vet didn’t warn us that Winston would have to expel the air out of his lungs. So he sort of gasped twice after we already thought he was gone. That made everything worse. We brought him back home and buried him by the Easter lilies that are growing back there. Dad asked us when we got home if it happened at 2:45? We couldn’t really remember but we knew it was sometime around there. He said that he was out back digging the grave and at 2:45 his heart started to race and he had to stop what he was doing.. he had a weird feeling. How weird is that. So we paid our respects and cried some more. That was 2 days ago.

I go out each morning and talk to him—just to keep him up to date on how the family is doing. I feel like it will help me get closure eventually. Mom and I still have our moments where we just cry. I still expect to see him waiting for me when I get home, and come bounding into the room and onto the bed when mom and I are chatting at night. Mom hasn’t been able to read the paper at the table because shes just not ready—and lunch times are hard for her because that was always a thing with her and Winston. So little by little we try to piece our lives back together. All of us, Mom, Dad, and I have noticed a serious drop in energy. We are tired all the time. This death has brought my family closer—and though I love that it has done that—I wish it was under different circumstances. So to all of you who got to meet Winston and see how special he was—he is now in a better place and I cant wait to see him again. I will always love my baby boy.

(This is the last picture taken of Sir Winston-- he will always be the most handsome cat)