Dreams

Ok so anyone who knows me knows that I am extremely prone to weirdly bizarre and vivid dreams. When I sleep, my imagination goes into over drive, along with my daily going-ons, to form these crazy stories and images. Some make no sense at all, so I laugh and wonder what I was watching before I fell asleep to bring that on. Others are highly disturbing, to the point where I truly wonder if there is something horrible lying ahead of me; like my dreaming is trying to warn me. Ok so I know that sounds probably overly dramatic; I know that they are probably just subconscious feelings about that certain topic that manifest in a different way. But I have to admit, some of them are really frightening. So I thought, in this blog, I would share a few of my dreams with all of you. Some of them are totally crazy, others are disturbing. Some of them I take from a journal I’ve been keeping of my dreams, others, actually one, is a reoccurring nightmare I have been having since I was 11or 12. And then I will close with last nights dream mixed with outside influences that caused me to not be able to go back to sleep until 6 am. So here we go.
Just a preface: Ill warn you right now that some of you will see your name appear in these dreams. Please don’t take it the wrong way or be offended. I know that they truly horrible ones didn’t involve anyone I know DOING something horrible to me. I will also (when I can) add the date of the dream, if I can remember. So lets begin!


May 5, 2009


I was with Diana and her family at this enclosed water park, and Diana, Josh, Zach, and Chris were in a large river that was clear like a pool and snaked all through the park. They kept on going under to get a glimpse of this humpback whale, but every time they went under the whale would breech the surface and make it impossible to see under water. So I kept yelling at them to wait to go under but they couldn’t hear me.


The scene changed to Diana and the family sitting at a table eating and Josh was bragging about this new fishing wire he had that was stronger then anything out there but completely invisible to fish. He had a line cast that stretched to the other side of the park and his pole sitting beside him. So I started to follow his line and ran into Patrick Duffy (ok FYI.. no I hadn’t seen him or heard his name at all that day… weird it was him who was there.) He tried to get Josh’s secret of his fishing line out of me--- WOKE UP!

May 6, 2009


Diana and I were at Cooper; I was a senior but Diana had just been brought on as the new band director. I knew this, so I thought I could get away with being late! I went to a pub and hung out with some friends for a little while. When I started to make my way to school I realized traffic was super busy and I was going to be later then I thought; so I panicked. When I got to school, Diana was sitting on a desk talking to the students, and I snuck in and found a seat. She started talking about dress code, saying that she is all for people wanting to wear neon wind shorts; she welcomed it! I looked around and suddenly saw a toy-sized, real life T-Rex. It was running around, all through the students, looking for little things to get and hang from a noose it built. Sara (Josh’s sister) was sitting down and the dinosaur came to her and tried to take her Chihuahua from her to go hang it. Sara told it, “No, no, bad boy.” That’s when I realized it was her dinosaur. She kept apologizing profusely to those the dinosaur was bugging. She was soo embarrassed--- WOKE UP!


July 23, 2009


Diana had a pet hornet name Guadalupé. She asked me to take him for a walk so he could go to the bathroom. Of course wasps creep me out, so I was against it from the start, but I appeared to be fairly calm. I asked her if she has a leash for it because he could just fly away, and she said, “Nope, he is very well mannered, he will go where you go.” So I start walking Guadalupé, realizing that he goes to the bathroom like a bird does: it looks the same. He finishes going to the bathroom and then collapses on the ground, belly up, like he is dead. I look around and realize there are many wasps like this laying on the ground. All I could think was, “Diana is going to kill me!” Then Guadalupé popped up and started to fly again. It turns out going to the bathroom the way they did wore them out so they had to take a break. We go back to the house and Guadalupé starts swarming around my head. Of course I was freaking out, telling him to stop. She kept reassuring me that he wasn’t going to hurt me, but she was laughing so hard. Guadalupé landed on my ear and started to like look like he was going to crawl in. I told Diana I was serious; to get him off me. She got a cup and stuck it to me ear, then told Guadalupé to come. He crawled in the cup--- WOKE UP!


July 23, 2009 (2 dreams I remember in one night….. nice!)


I was walking around the house one day and saw several things flying in the air. I told mom and dad about them but they didn’t see them, so they didn’t believe me. As the days went on I saw more and more of these flying things; which I came to find out were fleas; and the parents finally started seeing them too. I left to go grocery shopping, and when I came back the fleas (now in the billions) had banded together to form these gigantic blobs or masses that could move in unison and hurt other objects (like in cartoons when bees form a hammer or a giant stinger.) I screamed and dad ran and got some Lysol spray. This worked and killed the fleas, but I had already been swarmed by the,. I told dad to spray me with the Lysol, but he wouldn’t. He would spray a paper towel then try to wipe them off. I ended up being rushed to the hospital. They tried to revive me with the paddles, but it was too late. Mom started crying and said, “Who’s going to do the grocery shopping now? --- WOKE UP!!


Reoccurring (I have this dream at least once a week, if not that, then every other week, since I was 11 or 12)

I’m coming out of school (Madison Middle School) and I see a man dressed all in black with a knife. It’s obvious he is coming for me. I try and hide behind other kids until I get to the bus, thinking that once I’m in the bus he can’t get me. I make my way to the bus, just as it is closing its doors, thinking that I had lost him and I was safe. I had this friend named Jason who rode the bus with me home since we lived in the same apts. When the bus stopped at home, Jason and I got off and started walking. I look back and see that the man in black had hitched a ride on the back of the bus. I scream to Jason to run, but the man gets to him first and slits his throat. Jason falls in a lump and I can’t move from fear. He starts towards me and I take off. I get home, run through the door, and lock it behind me. I turn around and see my entire family hung from the ceiling. I panic, thinking maybe they aren’t dead. I run over and they are all ice cold… dead. I pull out a pocket knife and try to cut them down when I hear someone trying to come in. I run out the back and upstairs to another neighbor. I bang on her door, begging her to let me in. She finally did, and I told her what had happened to my family and how I had to hide. I told her that if he came looking for me to not upset him but tell him you had no idea who I was. Then I went and hid in the last place I thought he would find me…. in the toilet. I closed the lid (Yes I magically fit). I hear a knock at the door and I catch my breath. I hear her talking; I hear him asking about me; then I hear silence. I stay in the toilet for at least 5 more hours. I finally crawl out and it’s dark. There is no sign of the man in black. I get to the door and see my neighbor cut into pieces. I had no emotions, I couldn’t feel anything. I stepped over what was left of her and went home. I walk in and close the door behind me; locking it. I make my way slowly over to my dead family and begin the process of cutting them down--- WAKE UP!

So now, to close, I will share last nights dream. It’s a little fuzzy and not completely organized so please bear with me. Here we go!

September 8, 2009

I’m working at First Christian Church and everyone has left for the day. It’s getting dark and I’m finishing up some things. I hear a tap on the front door. I hesitate to get it, because there are a lot of homeless people who hang around the church and I couldn’t help them and didn’t have answers for them. The knocking continued… it’s dark now…. So I go to take a peak. There is a woman outside. I unlock the door and tell her that we are closed and I couldn’t help her and that I was sorry. She started yelling at me telling me she just needed to use the phone and I could at least let her do that. I told her I would make the phone call if she would like. She told me she needed to call in her hours to Sonic because she forgot to turn in her time sheet and pay roll was tomorrow. I told her it might be easier to just fax it. So I let her in, thinking I watched the door close. We went into the office and I asked her for the number. She fumbled around and then I heard a man’s voice behind me. The woman grabbed me and the man started laughing, saying it was too easy to get in. He came in the room and punch me hard in the stomach and I passed out.


Ok so here is where I woke up several times. I kept trying to change the outcome. But no matter how I tried to change it something bad happened. One time I turned into ice and they crushed me. Another time they tied me up and pushed me up onto the roof.. then pushed me off the roof. Yet another time I ran to my car, just barely quick enough, but I fumbled with my keys and he came up behind me and twisted my neck. Then there was one where I made it in the car but I couldn’t get it to go into drive and he broke in the window and dragged me out, the whole time getting glass stuck in me all over. Then the worst, which I hesitate to share, ends with a raping and slit throat. So after this last time I wake up, completely startled, breathing heavy and trying desperately to clear my head. Then I hear a loud noise. To me, it sounds like someone knocking on the front door. I’m not kidding when I froze in my bed, I quit breathing, I was literally petrified. I didn’t move for about 3 minutes, but I decided I needed to figure out what that was, and if someone was in the house or if the front door was locked. I slowly walked out of my room, and Sophie immediately staring down the hallway. I walked to my mom’s room and she was up, she had heard it too, which made it that much worse. She thought something was falling off a trailer as it drove my or something. But since I had just had that dream I thought much worse, like my dream was coming true only in a different setting. I had to stand still and catch my breath again, but I felt like I needed to go look around. I went into the living room and Alex’s fur was standing on its end, he was all poofed up, which again didn’t help my fear. I looked out the peep hole…… nothing. I worked up the courage to look out the front window (from the side of course)…… nothing. It was pretty much impossible to get back to sleep after this. I tried to listen to soothing music or stick in Seinfeld and watch something funny. I even finished the book I was reading. I eventually fell asleep a little after 6 this morning.


Alright so now that you are thoroughly convinced I am crazy I will close this entry out. At least I know that my friends can always count on me when they want to hear an outrageous story. My parting words will be those that I say to my friends that lets them know they can settle in for a wild ride, “So…. I had this CRAZY dream last night!”

8 Things

Ok so while im waiting for the videos on my other post to load I figured I would do this 8 Things post that my sister tagged me on!!

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:

1. The New Harry Potter Movie
2. The New Moon Movie
3. Seeing my sister SOON
4. Tara's visit in July
5. Getting my own place (I already have some prospects)
6. Getting a new car (Have prospects for that as well lol)
7. Finishing my Recipe Scrap book
8. Starting and finishing my other scrap books!

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Watched some netflix movies online
2. Did laundry
3. Talked to bryan
4. Cleaned up my room
5. Listened to some good music
6. Watched Last Holiday and Night at the Museum on TV
7. Made some meals
8. Played with the cats

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Take a trip to Europe with my sister
2. Travel anywhere, T and I have future plans, I'm just anxious for it to come around
3. Find a job that suits me completely
4. Get a new car NOW
5. Get my own place that meets all my requirements
6. See and speak to my sister more then I do, i hope to change that
7. See Coldplay or One Repulblic in Concert
8. Meet Robert Pattinson and not become a complete fool when i do! (Why cant we just be friends lol)

8 Shows I Watch:

1. The Office (Good season finale-- i was sooo excited)
2. NCIS ( I can watch over and over and over)
3. Gossip Girls
4. The Mentalist (Soo good and such a handsome man-- hes Australian or British I think)
5. Brothers and Sisters
6. Cold Case
7. Law & Order: CI and SVU
8. Smallville and Supernatural (Ok thats more then 8 but i dont care)

I only have one other person to tag and that Tara..... so T, you are officially tagged lol!!

Time to play Catch Up

Hello to my fellow bloggers! So its been a while, i've noticed. Mind you i didnt realize just how long it had been until i logged in. So i have quite a bit to catch up on. It might be crazy, and random, and disoraganized so buckle up for the ride! HERE WE GO!!!!!

So, I did end up getting a job through Kelly Services. It is at blue cross blue shield being a CA or customer advocate ( a nice way of saying customer service). Now this is not a position i wanted. I told Kelly i was looking for a claims position. So they call me up and say, "Hey we are getting a class together for BCBS.... ( i hear this and im sooo excited)... and its for a Customer Advocates position..... (oh crap.... i didnt want that... damn it!). At first i turned it down and told them I wanted to wait for a claims position, which they were completely ok with. I thought about it for about 15 minutes and then realized that at that time and place I was in no position to be picky, so I called back and accepted. I went to a 2 hour orientation at Kelly Services where i had to fill out a lot of paper work and watch a 30 minute videw that was made in god who knows when. It reminded me of those films i used to have watch in my Psychology classes in college that were ancient and you seriously had to think about how you were going to get through it without just completely loosing it and burst out laughing or pull off sleeping through it while still looking like you are paying attention. I let out a little giggle during the video and the other people in the room looked at me like I had lost it lol! So, total, there were 14 people in the class, and we were being trained to help with Summer Enrollment at BCBS. I started April 14thand i was really nervous. I got to the room and ended up sitting at a computer that had one of those ergonomic key boards. It completely through me off, i need my fingers together lmao! We played one of those "Get to know you" games where we had to turn to the person beside us and interview them so we could get to know them and then present them to the rest of the class. Believe it or not it ended up being a great thing. My partner was Elizabeth and we are really good friends now. Anyway, about 3 days after that Elizabeth and I decided to switch computers, because we couldnt stand the keyboards, and we went and moved to the only other 2 seats open with regular key baords, where we met Amanda! So now all 3 of us are are really cool with each other. Its actually perfect, we work at the same pace and are similar in a lot of areas, but different in others to where we are laughing alot during class, which makes the day bareable!! During the month ive been there I have been solely working on the process of claims. They are giving 5 weeks of claims training and 4 weeks of CA training. They said that the extensive claims training is so we can know the whole process from beginning to end so when we take calls we can know what they are talking about. WRONG! Seriously, learning how to process a claim does not help when you take a phone call. We even just found out that out of the maybe 8 different windows on the screen that are used to processed a claim you may use 1 or 2 of those when you take calls. SERIOUSLY! Now dont get me wrong, I love processing claims! Its the puzzle that intrigues me, having an error and having to find a resolution, it keeps me on my toes and its hard to get bored. Now I can get frustrated, and fast, but not bored. Just this past week we started doing Lived Claims Processing, where we are actually releasing claims to be paid if need be. We go through all this training, but it doesnt prepare you for the real thing, in my opinion. Last monday, we spent the entire day...... doing NOTHING! I literally sat there for 9 hours and did nothing. I didnt bring a book or my ipod. The program we were supposed to use to start processing claims was not set up for us. I mean damn they could have sent us home and saved them some money! And all of us would have gladly taken the pay cut. But the rest of the week picked up. Many times, i got in way over my head because I was recieving prompt and errors i had never seen, and then i would research it and they fixes would have like 20 steps. Its tedious! But like i said, once i figured it out and got to actually release my first claim to pay, it was cool! We are finally allowed to listen to our ipods while we process so thats been sooo helpful! I can be really stressed out and ready to walk out, but then a "happy" song will come on and Ill get a new wind! Ahh the wonders of good music!! Obviously, I got Memorial Day off, but the rest of this week will be processing claims, and then the first of June we move to CA! So im trying to appreciate the claims while i can! Im dreading the phones........ DREADING!! lol

On to a related topic, kind of short and random! Music, man, is sooo great lol! For a long time i was on a continous loop of the Twilight Soundtrack. Then I was flipping through the tv channels one day and happened upon VH1's Greatest Songs of the 90's and was awakened! Of course I knew almost all of them and I craved more. Such good memories! So I took my ipod and itunes player off of the looping and have been rocking out ever since!! Mind you the Twilight Soundtrack is still what i listen to to destress and wind down. Its comfort lmao!!

Speaking of Twilight, im super excited for the new movie to come out! They released the 1st official movie poster last week! And of course I love it. Elizabeth had found one that she thought was offical, and it wasnt, but it should have been lol! It was perfect!! (This is the official one!)

(Fan made, but should have been the official one........ SERIOUSLY!!)

Of course, Ive read all four of the books about 10 times all the way through! Good reads, right!! I had let my friend, Tara, borrow the 4th one so she could read it and that left me needing to find something else to read (I prefer to re-read in order lol). So I decided to re-read the last 2 Harry Potter books! And i had forgotten just how good those were as well. I am becoming more and more excited for the next movie to come out for that as well!! If you havnt seen the trailers for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, here are 2 quick reference for you!

(This one has parts that make me laugh, especially with Ron!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96QRVfto7OM&feature=fvsre1

(This one is a little longer..... gives me chills!!! CANT WAIT)

Continuing on with the books, after I finished reading the Harry Potter's again I went to Angels & Demons, which i am still working on. I havnt had much time or been in the mood to read a whole lot lately. But I have plans to start back up reading before I go to bed because I noticed it relaxed me and I need more relaxation lol! I went and got 2 other little books from J.K. Rowling: Quidditch Through the Ages and Fantasic Beasts & Where to Find them! They are short little 50 page books that are supposed to be like text books that Harry had. I was looking for some more books to read and came across those and thought they would be cute and lighten a bad mood I might be in!! I am also in the works to get The Host by Stephenie Myers (author of Twilight for those of you who didnt know!) and im looking into getthing The House of Night series by B.C. cast and Kristen Cast. My friend Elizabeth was reading them and said they were good so I am going to give them a shot! And soon I will preorder The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown! I do so love the topics of his books!!

On to movies. Ive been really catching up on Netflix lately, since TV is pretty much done for me for the summer. This section might be a little dull for some because im going to go through what ive seen that has caught my attention and what I thought!! The Duchess-- loved it, wish it had a different ending, but love Kiera Knightly! The Departed-- that was one of those movies that I didnt think it was necessary to have the f-word in every sentence, so it wasnt as good as I hoped. Ghost Town-- this has the guy from the british version of The Office-- I LOVED IT! I thought it was hilarious, very pleasantly suprised! Mirrors--OMG SOOO GOOD-- suprised ending you never see coming-- loved it !! Don't Mess with Zohan-- not impressed at all, I never laughed. The Cake Eaters-- this had Kristen Stewart in it, it is sort of an independent film but she did a really great job in it, i was impressed. The Secret Life of Bees-- ok wow this was an unbelievable movie-- the whole cast was phenomenal and Dakota Fanning was awesome. I cant wait to see her in New Moon and i want to see Push more then ever now! Bride Wars-- expected it to funnier so it was alright, not awful but not specatcular! Valkyrie-- ok so Im not a huge Tom Cruise fan, but this movie was actually pretty good. My single thought after I sae the movie was just how much of a coward Hitler was, i guess it had never really hit me just how much so until after that movie. How so many people could follow a man like that and what would they think if they knew just how much of a coward he was elludes me-- crazy! Bangkok Dangerous-- Huge Nicholas Cage fan so loved the movie-- it was a little different but still good. Didnt see the ending coming!! Made of Honor-- cute little movie. It was cool to see Owen from Grey's Anatomy in there as well, although i think i prefer him with facial hair lol! Vantage Point-- kept me on my toes thats for sure, i had to really pay attention so i could keep up but it was good! Next (movie title)-- Another Nicholas Cage movie so of course I liked it! YAY Nicholas Cage!

I found this site called Swap a DVD. What you do is you post dvds that you want to get rid of. Then other people can go and find movies they want and if you have one they are interested in they can request it from you. Each movie that you send off you recieve a credit and you use credits to get dvd's you may want! So I was trying to figure out what to do with all my Southpark Seasons because i really dont watch them anymore and have no desire to much. So i went and posted them on Swap a DVD. Each season gave me 3 credits because it had 3 discs. I have sent all of them out now, all 10 seasons, and I am not awaiting for get NCIS seasons 1-5. Im 8th on the list to get it-- soooo close-- and i cant freakin wait! Then I will be caught up on those seasons and ready to order season 6 when it becomes available, which by the way you can watch all the episodes of the latest season on netflix! I owe my sister a big THANK YOU for introducing me to netflix-- what a life saver its been!!

On to the cats!! They had their first vet visit, since we got them, on Thursday. We went to a new vet who is actually just right down the street. It was, by far, the best vet experience I had ever had. Not only was the vet, himself, kind, but so was the entire staff. Every one of them came into the room and introduced themselves to me. The vet told me step by step what he was giving the cats, as well as informing me of some virus that i was unaware of that the cats can get whether they are inside cats or not, its some mutation of a previous virus, but anyway they got vaccinated for it while they were there. I also appreciated that when it came time for the shots, the vet told me that his assistant would take over from there and I didnt have to hold them down when they got their shots. It made me feel so much better not having to be the one to hold them when they got pricked. They just went above and beyond to make the visit as pleasant as possible and i will be forever greatful. We have definitly found ourselves a new vet for life I think. Anyway, they both got 4 shots, 2 of them last for 3 years, and 2 of them are a yearly thing. Sophie got her bottom shaved a little so she wouldnt have anymore "hangers" (as I call them) after she goes to the bathroom, and Alex got prescribed a topical anithistamine to put on his one nipple that he wont leave alone, and already its done wonders. They were a little groggy for a day or so, but they are back to their old selves now lol! Its funny, when I look back, that they have always been rambunctious little critters. I love how they havnt lost that! Here are some clips to show you exactly what i mean! They are definitly happy cats!

Ill try later to uploaf the latest video of the kitty antics with the laser! It was just taking too long!

Mom is doing well! The weight is still coming off and she continues to waste away!! Im soo proud of her! She finally at that point where she can feel more confident. Have to buy new clothes because she is swimming in hers now! I love that im here to see it first hand and experience it with her! I, too, have been losing weight! New clothes have had to been purchased and i must say its nice to see a new size on my clothes! Lets just hope i can keep it up!!

Lets see, what else! Oh, as for my past nanny job, well I knew it couldnt just end so smoothly! She never really did give up trying to get me back. At one point she actually told me that if she were rich she would tell me to screw BCBS and come live with her permanently............! Ummmm, no thanks! Words escape me for that! Another time, she asked me how my new job was going and if i felt like a grown up now?! EXCUSE ME!! Im 26 years old ive been a grown up for a while, how dare you! Words escape me for that as well. I have watched her kids once since i quit that "full time" position. I didnt mind because i wanted to see the kids again and hopefully leave on a good note with Maddy since i wasnt allowed to say goodbye to her. However, this woman still let her kids just call me randomly if they wanted to talk to me. What the hell?! Either let me see maddy and say goodbye or make a clean break. The poor kids! Anyway, she was supposed to be home around 9, however she called me when her event was over and told me that her friends were going to the bar and wanted her to come but she had to check with her babysitter first. I told her that I hadnt eaten at all that day and would really like to go get something to eat. She said that was fine and that she would just stop by the bar and say hi then make her way home. Long story short, she got lost coming back from the bar and she got home around 12-1 in the morning. All i can say is somethings never change and i shouldnt have expected any different.

My friend Tara seems to be doing well! I havnt been able to talk to her much since I started work! She came down at the beginning of the month and it was a great weekend! I didnt think i would have the energy to do much but i found it somewhere and it was soo much fun! It was kind of rainy/foggy but it didnt put a damper on anything! We went to Red Robin on Friday. Unfortunatly the food wasnt that specatcular. Tara ordered this shrimp platter, which she expected to be huge because of the description it had and fully expected to be taking a doggy bag home. But when they brought it out it was in a small basket (much like my Clucks & Fries) and her cole slaw was in a small condiment cup! We were also pretty sure her tartar sauce was rancid-- it stunk to high heaven lol! Then we drove around some with the music cranked up and just had some fun! Saturday we went shopping and a bunch of different places and then had some dinner, drank some wine, and played chicken foot till the wee hours in the morning lol!! Its always great being able to spend time with her! I look forward to her next visit, which will be the weekend Harry Potter comes out! Wonder what we'll do then lol!! I visited her in S-Ville in March and we went to Granbury to this place where you can decorate your own pottery and stuff! We both decided to do mosaics and made a picture frame and the first letter of our names! I think they both turned out awesome! It was a good trip as well!! Nice to take a road trip and get out of Abilene for a little while!! Anyway, work has picked up for her too so shes been swamped as well and busy busy busy! Things seem to be picking up for both of us!

Well I think I might have finally covered all the basis!! I got a body wave in my hair so now its quick and easy to style for those 6:50 am wake up calls! Im offically ready for summer i think! So I will go ahead and close this blog! Dont know when ill write again but whenever it is im sure it wont be a whole lot more exciting then this one was! Enjoy your Memorial Day.... I know I will!!

Shut up and Drive!

Hello people! I write to you from my desk in my room with my music blaring! I am in an exceptionally good mood right now! Loud music always helps! ( screams) SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE!!!!! So yea, that's the song I'm listening to at the moment! It gets me pumped! Cant help but move.... and smile..... and move!!! No shocker at all but its on the Twilight Soundtrack, which, to my surprise, was/is actually really good! Very diverse! I can get my screaming music, and my feel good music, and my slow down music, and my moving music in just 12 tracks! So I should move on to updates!!

So since last I wrote things have progressed with mom at a very even pace! She finally got to weigh herself today! But I will not divulge the answer until she chooses to share. Lets just say ITS BIG! All that's left now is for her to continue to worry about herself and not others around her, i.e. her mom! I have threatened many times to rip the phone from her hand and give her mom a piece of my mind and I wasn't kidding! I will do whatever needs to be done to keep the negativity to a minimum. I'm proud of her though. She's been tough. And gotten a whole lot better and standing up for herself. It amazing what you are capable of when you finally gain back a little confidence!

Home life has been a bit of a struggle. In some aspects the closeness that was forged when the accident happened has still continued. Unfortunately I feel its faded more so then not. I knew it couldn't be one big happy family forever. What family is, really. But I think the lack of job is setting me up to lose my patience, or have no patience at all. I guess that's a good lead in to the job front. I called Kelley Services last week and they said they would have a position for me near the first of April. It sounded very final, very definite, which was a load off. Then a new load presented itself. That left me a month's worth of bills to pay, and no way to pay them. Kelley had some temp jobs that were a day long... but those are all gone now. Ive put my application into other places from the paper and haven't heard anything. Sucks when they just give an email or fax number and no number to call and check up. By the time i finally get accepted anywhere I'm going to have to quit for BCBS. "When my time comes, forget the wrong that Ive done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty, keep my in your memories, and leave out all the rest." Sorry that's the song I'm on now-- good Linkin Park song! SINGING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS NOW!!! Anyway, back to where I was. So basically I'm screwed. And then there are those who like to go around behind my back, knowing full well I will find out that they said something, and, in so many words, call me a bum. This person, however, is not around to see what i am or am not doing with my day. Its typical, and nothing surprises me anymore. But for those of you out there I'll just get it out there: I'm doing everything I can to find a remedy to my problem this month! Whatever! THE SPOT LIGHT IS ON!!! (another good song..... do you see a pattern emerging in this blog? Random song quotes lol)

Moving on to brighter topics! Tara came to visit this weekend. BEST WEEKEND OF THE YEAR SO FAR!!! I had soooo much fun! I don't know how else to describe! Friday went to Chili's! Then drove around, with the windows down (well half down, it was FREEZING), the radio blaring, dancing, punching the air, singing as loud as we could..... just completely cut loose! I introduced T to the Twilight Soundtrack and found a fellow admirer! And it was perfect from then on! Talked about a whole bunch of stuff, but every time something got serious or complicated we just turned on Spotlight and danced it out!!

Saturday we had some errands to run! So we went to Wendy's first for a quick cheap lunch (Man their nuggets are good), then it was off to Walmart for some DVD-Rs (reason is not necessary to know :)) And some sunglasses since both of my other pairs passed away! Then it was off to Hobby Lobby (my first time in there since they took over the Hastings part......... it was.... alright lol! Nothing big lol). Tara had to get some flowers to put on her grandmother's grave! They have a great selection of faux flowers there. They even made me think about getting some to put out! So life-like its crazy!! As we drove between places I kept on telling Tara that I wish there was something else we could do! It was soo early in the day and I didn't want to go home! She suggested a game place or putt putt and then I remembered the new PRIMETIME place we got here in Abilene! I had always wanted to go, but didn't have anyone to go with and I was definitely not going to go alone!!

Ok, quick break, Rob Pattinson's song is on... She Never Thinks! You wouldn't imagine that singing voice coming from him! But its soooo good! And its not just because its Rob Pattinson! I love those acoustic guitar songs. It makes me smile. It makes me feel good! That's all that matters! And NO he doesn't sound like Bruce Springsteen! Not at all, T! LMAO! OOOOKKKK back to PRIMETIME! Ok so the one thing I will say about it is that we were completely confused when we went inside. We had no idea what to do! We thought about just going and playing some arcade games but they all required this certain card! So we went and got in line at the front desk, waiting, while others were looking at us like they thought we knew what we were doing lol! Once we got all that straightened out we decided to play some pool! So we went to the pool room-- put there were no cues or balls! So we realized we had to go back to the front desk to get this stuff! lol Back and forth back and forth!! We thought about riding the go karts or playing miniature golf, but it was very windy and chilly! So we figured we would go back when it got nicer and do the other stuff!! So anyway, we went and played pool! T got up some drinks in nifty bottles that we kept as souvenirs of our adventure together! I got pink and T got purple, of course!

T ended up winning 2 of the 3 games... by default though! Me and the 8-ball seemed to be loving each other! The other game I won for real... all my balls (stripes) then the 8! It was a miracle! Anyway, when we got done there we went to United to pick up a few things (esp. WINE) and then headed home. I made Southern Fried Chicken. We enjoyed a good meal (minus the awkward conversation that came about at the table for which I will not go into details but I can never apologize more to T for the circumstance and I've never been more embarrassed). After all the crap, T, myself, and my mom sat down at the table for several rousing rounds of Chicken Foot! Now T and I are lovers of the wine! We can usually each polish off a large bottle of Strawberry Arbor Mist! But for some reason we were both struggling this time. Maybe its because we started drinking as soon as we finished eating so we were still full from dinner. Anyway, it was a good time. T had to leave on Sunday to get back to reality, and it sucked, but I was drained. We made plans to go to Six Flags sometime this summer since we both hadn't been in a very long time, and I'm still holding out for decent priced Coldplay tickets for July 21st in Dallas. But right now they still only have lawn seats! But I will continue to check! I wont give up lol! So I'm looking forward to future trips and adventures with my friend! Who knows what the future holds!

On another note, this month the kitties turn the BIG 1!!! I still cant wrap my head around it! I doesn't seem like we've had them for that long! But I've watched them grow from fur balls that fit in the palm of my hand to big puffs of fur that require both hands to handle! They each have their little quirks! Alex like to jump on me, like he is playing tag! He always has to be the first to eat and the stretches as much as he can when he sleeps! He is the most photogenic and the camera loves him!

Sophie was always tiny! And i knew she would never be a huge cat, like Winston was! She's a princess and she knows it! Its a privilege when you get to be in her company! But she's a momma's girl! Sophie likes to come into the bathroom with me when I take a shower. He sits on the counter and waits patiently or comes and sits on the bath rub ledge between the shower curtain and shower liner. Its sort of like her own personal sauna! But when I'm done with my shower i HAVE TO pick her up and throw her over my shoulder. Only then am i allowed to leave the bathroom. This is welcomed with a very loud purr of contentment. Sophie always cares nothing of modesty! She prefers to be on her back, her legs spread as wide as possible! She loves her belly to be rubbed. Lately, since Ive been reading alot, she has taken to coming up on my bed, mid sentence and stare at the book, like she want to know what I'm reading! I tried reading aloud to her, and she would go to the end of my bed, curl up, and close her eyes, or she would rub her face in the book and try to chew it. I think she just doesn't want to compete with the book! She also prefers to sleep leaning against something! Like I said, they each have their little quirks!

On a similar subject, I think I might need to go ahead and address the other anniversary that is coming up at the beginning of April. April 1st to be exact. I thought maybe i should go ahead and talk about it because when it comes that time I know I wont want to discuss it much..... not that it ever gets any easier. That's another thing that is difficult to think about. April 1st with be a year since Winston passed away. His presence is still felt in this house. We ordered a grave marker for him and it came in yesterday. The inscription reads, "Our Special Boy, Winston July 1998 to April 2008."

It is going to be and has already proven to be a hard month! So much happiness has come from out two new additions, but sadness lingers as we remember when we were doing this time a year ago! Mom and I both agree that we cant help but feel extremely blessed and lucky that the right pet just seems to present itself to us! We were soo spoiled with Winston; he was such a well behaved boy. Of course he had is teenage rebellion, but as he grew up he was the epitome of a perfect cat. Now we are going through that phase with our new cats... and I keep flashing back to what it was like with Winston in the apartments. I know hes here when he thinks we're not strong enough to let go, or to just remind us that he'll never be fully gone. Maybe someday I will get to the point where I can think about him for a long period of time and not feel guilt or sadness. He's really meant to be celebrated!
So with that being said it will be a month of celebrating birthdays and those who have passed. Life isn't always easy! But its smart to try and learn from it, right? Well I'm thinking I will close with that! It weird, I'm finishing this blog and the last song on the soundtrack plays, Bella's Lullaby. It makes me cry every time, just because its beautiful (of course it doesn't hurt that Rob wrote and performed the song for the soundtrack. Just another facet of his abilities). Anyway, to get by I will just go to a happy place I have acquired! In my car, windows rolled down, light breeze, a never-emptying gas tank and my music as loud as it can go, with an open stretch of highway! What i wouldn't give to be there now! I can feel it already! Here I go.........

OH YOUR ONE OF US NOW!!!!! ( Spotlight, Twilight Soundtrack)

Here's to a Brand New Year, New Beginnings, New Everything!

So it has been a very long time since I updated. But I swear I have a good excuse. First, and foremost, I hope everyone had a great, relaxing holiday. I'm sure, for most of you, you will be going back to work on Monday. So take advantage of your last weekend and enjoy it. I cant remember what all I put in my last entry so I'm just going to wing it and hope that I don't repeat myself.

Work had been the same; stressful & hair-pulling. I was not enjoying myself or what I was doing. But I sucked it up and dealt with it. Again, if it hadn't been for Shannon, my co-worker at FKO, I probably would have lost it a long time ago. Of course, on the nanny front nothing had changed. Hours all over the place, guilt trips; the usual. But I just kept telling myself, PAYCHECK PAYCHECK PAYCHECK!! BILLS, BILLS, BILLS! The FKO Christmas Program was on the 14th and it turned out pretty good. Of course, parents love seeing their kids on stage no matter what they are doing, so even though the kids could hardly stand still and barely sung a note they were still adorable. The following Tuesday was the Christmas party. And that day went like pretty much every other holiday party, CRAZY!! But it was better then most years and I didn't feel like I was running in circles. I was a little disappointed that Jerry did not show up. In my past blogs, I have written about Jerry, the boy who had a bladder problem. Well it turns out the boy had a very big anger problem too. He got in the habit of kicking me, hitting me, slapping me. So he took several trips to the office where he proceeded to completely trash the office. His father, not unexpectedly, had had enough and said if he acted out one more time to call him at the first incident. It happened again, his dad came and got him, and said he wasn't sure if he would be back. I felt bad for Jerry. I didn't want things like that that happened at FKO to bring him more trouble at home. But his dad said that he does that to women in general, which was another scary development. All I can do is pray for the boy and hope he and his family find peace, and answers. Anyway, I left Tuesday bidding my co-workers a great Christmas and would see them in 2 weeks.

That same week, on Friday, was grocery shopping day. It was a little weird this time because mom had a doctor's appt. in the morning so I couldnt call her if I had questions about anything on the list. So I'm walking through the store and I get a call from her. She can barely speak, shes giddy as hell! She got on scales and could actually be weighed! Its the first time in a while. She had lost over 50 lbs. I was in the middle of H-E-B going OMG MOM OMG! THAT'S SOOO FANTASTIC I'M SOO PROUD OF YOU!! lol I got some looks but I didn't care. I couldn't have been more happier for her. I finish my shopping, and go home. Its getting on 10 in the morning and I get another call from mom. Its kind of a blur what happened next but I remember mom saying something to the effect of, "Ummm, I wont be coming home, I broke my leg!" I said.... WHAT!!! Apparently she was stepping off the curb at the doctor's office and broke her femur, right close to the hip. Thankfully, strangely, she felt no pain, just instant numbness. So I called my other boss and told her I couldn't make it to work (or course it seemed like I was putting her out.... like I planned it). I'll cut a few corners and say that mom spent up to 4 hours in the hall of the ER because the didn't have rooms, and then, when she was finally admitted, they took her to surgery, where they put a rod and 2 screws in her leg. So the next few days consisted of being up at the hospital, keeping her company, and trying not to let her sink into a black hole. I'm not a huge fan of hospitals in the first place, but there are a few exceptions where I couldn't care less where I am, as long as I am there for support and encouragement. Examples: Family members in the hospital, friends in the hospital. In other words, I don't hang out at hospitals for fun!! Now let me go off on a tangent here. With the exception of a few workers (I.E. the weekend staff, the PT, and the OT (which happened to be one of my old friends, Sarah, who's over-all demeanor brightened moms day and in return made me every so grateful)) the staff there SUCKED! I understand that all occupations have their fair share of gossip, but when you talk about it while her DAUGHTER IS IN THE HALL, you better watch the hell out. I have never been so close to going up to someone and just punching them in the face. Here I am, crying because I'm thinking my mom isn't going to be home for Christmas, shes antsy and confined and trapped and frustrated and there's nothing I can do and you sit here and bitch and complain about your job! Ever heard of BED SIDE MANOR? I guess not! Mom got her survey for her stay at the hospital today and quickly took it away and said that she better not let me see that or I might take it upon myself to fill it out for her; which I soooo wish I could. ANWAY!!!! We had been hearing not to get our hopes up that mom would be home for Christmas, but she did!! Now, it was a question of how to get her home. At first she was going to take a van from Hendrick's to the house, but since she could walk (mind you very little, very slowly, and very poorly) from her bed to the bed side commode, her insurance wouldn't cover it. So Citylink it was. We thought she would get dropped off at the house, but apparently in order to have that privilege you had to apply 30 days in advance. So here is mom, by herself on this Citylink bus, having no clue where she is going. They ended up taking her back to the main station and she had to wait there for a bus to come that would make a stop close to the house. The people there were unfriendly as well. Long story short, mom ended up getting dropped off about 2-3 blocks from the house, and dad had to push her all the way home, across SOUTHWEST DRIVE! So this just added to my anger. Of course, anytime a family member is hurt or in a situation like that, you want everything done quickly and efficiently. Obviously it doesn't always work out like that. But I didn't care. So, we got her home and she's been here since Dec. 23rd! Thank god she made it home for Christmas. Diana got to come into town 2 days earlier then planned, and that was a god send too. I felt lost; where to go, when to go, don't cry in front of mom, keep your hopes up, stay strong, but I want to cry, Diana is being so strong I wish I could be like her, Dad is holding it together, crying wont help anything right now, I hope mom's going to be OK, Wow 50+ lbs. that's amazing I'm soo proud of her. My head was everywhere, and no where, for a while. It was soo nice being able to see Diana, though. It was such a nice visit and felt like it flew by! Diana and Josh got their families web cams so now we can keep in touch visually! Diana and I got to play with it a little while yesterday--- it was FUN FUN FUN!! Oh, let me say HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY, DIANA!! LOVE YOU!!

OK, so now onto a new, but conjoining subject. Since all of this happened with mom, we hit a snag in the Scott household. Mom was not allowed to put any weight on her leg except on her toes. So she needed 24- hour care. So what was going to happen when both Dad and I had to go back to work? We talked about it and talked about it and came to the only clear solution.... mom and her health are more important to me then working right now-- she needs me so I will be there for her. In all reality I felt lucky and blessed that I was even home and in a position to help out. The decision was made for me to quit both of my jobs and stay home to now be "on call" for mom! We were lucky and thankful that we had family who could provide help in several areas to make this happen. So then it was time to make the phone calls. My nanny job was first. I was terrified to make that call. What as she going to say, how would she act? In a nut shell, I told her what had happened and the decision I had made. I told her I know that it must be an inconvenience but my family comes first. I told her that I could get back to her by Sunday (I called on Friday) and let her know the final decision. And then, to add to my already high level of frustration and anger, she said, "Well if you could let me know, like, tomorrow that would be better because it is sort of an inconvenience." I have no reaction to write to that that would explain what I felt. All I can say is, obviously, I was making the right decision. I had to go over Saturday to pick up my Christmas gift and bonus, where my boss proceeded to tell me that she was thinking of just holding my job till I could come back. Her husband didn't understand why he had to be present for the conversation at all, which I thought was because he wouldn't have to fight me for his children's affection anymore so he wasn't all that upset, but nevertheless I was a little put off. My boss thought that I was quitting because I was worn out and had had enough. And while that is a reason, its not the reason at the current moment that I quit. I told her that it would have been May if not now. And she said May would have been better because she could get college kids to watch her kids easier then she could now. I really have nothing more to say on that subject, other then when Maddy found out I might be leaving she completely melted down..... so I didn't get to say goodbye to her, which completely broke my heart. But at the same time I thought maybe it was better that I didn't say goodbye. That way the last memory she has of me is a good memory and not a sad one.
Then I called Kathy, the FKO director. She was far more understanding, and said she would not accept my resignation, but would keep my job open in case I still needed some money until my new full-time job came through. I am very thankful for that. I think she is still holding out that I won't quit, but, unfortunately I already have pre-plans in the works of my next hopeful job. And while the perfect job in my head is one similar to THE OFFICE setting, i'll settle for something kind of quiet, with steady hours, decent pay, and benefits. So all prayers are welcome for my new beginning.
So that leads us to the current day. I feel we are still trying to work on a routine but we are getting there. Mom is able to get up more on her own and Im soo proud of how strong she is and how she is coping with her situation. Of course, she has her moments where she feels trapped and frustrated and all Dad and I can do is be there for a shoulder to cry and moral support. But mom is such a head strong women, I feel that her recovery will be a smooth one!
Let's see!!! Oh, the cats!! So of course their world was turned upside down when all of this happened to mom. They had to be locked up in my room more often then not and Alex was not having it. He started climbing my door and making god awful moaning sounds! Then, all of a sudden, I started to notice him positioning himself over Sophie, as if he was going to mount her. The thing is, his expression on his face looked as though he was completely confused as to why he was standing where he was. Sophie usually got up and walked away. But it was happening over and over again. All I could think was, "Wait, he cant feel those feeling anymore, he has no balls for the love of God!" Anyway, after some research and some awful thoughts of having to call a vet and ask if this was "normal" I found out that it was either because when he was fixed, both of the testicles had not dropped so there was still one there (OH GOD NO.. PLEASE NO) or he was craving attention. I went with the 2nd and proceeded to let them out more, especially at night, and smothered him with love and attention... to the great unhappiness of Sophie (I'm her pet, not his :) ) but he hasn't done it again since, thank god!

In few words, because I care not to talk about it much, apparently the Broncos like setting records that no one wants. Like being the first team to have lead their division the entire season, only to loose to a team that was last in their division at the beginning of the season. We were 3 games ahead........ SERIOUSLY!!?!?!? Then they fire Shanahan. I never thought Id see the day. Who knows what next year will be like. I'm thinking it was better we didn't make the play-offs. We obviously didn't deserve it. We needed to go into off-season and work things out, become better, hopefully.

OK so, hopefully I captured everything in this entry. Long, drawn out, long-winded, whatever you may think of it; all I can say is its detailed and relieving to talk about it and put it out there. Now the changes seem real and I am optimistic! So even though i was more then ready to see 2008 close, Here is to a brand new year, new beginnings, new life!