Happy Place

So lately Ive been frustrated, stressed, angry, etc.! Some of the reasons are legitimate, and the other reasons, I think, are just the BAH HUMBUGS, before Christmas. The only thing that has gotten me through this week is knowing that my sister is coming down on Friday!

For years I have tried the meditation thing. But i could never reach that point of total quietness and clairty. But, the other night, I was in the shower, trying real hard to not just burst out in tears of frustration, and I decided to close my eyes and stand there. And like a boulder, it hit me..... the clarity, the peace. I was in a thick tropical rainforest (with no bugs, well no bugs that bite at least), and all of the people who care about me and love me were just walking around admiring the scenery. My cat was chasing a butterfly, and I was sitting right in the middle of everything..... just breathing. It was the closest thing to enlightenment I think ive ever felt. I was 100% at peace. I stayed this way for 5 minutes at least. I cant describe how it felt, only that i wish i could have stayed there longer. So to sum up, I found my happy place.

I made a vow to visit it at least once a day, to clear my head so i wont go back to the angry woman i became in college. With the holidays coming around it couldnt have come at a better time. I hope all of your can find your happy place. Its like no other!

Less then a week till christmas........ try and stay warm and sick-free! Happy Holidays!

Pateince

OK, so its no secret-- i have a big problem with patience. You would think that working with kids for a living would help this dilemma, but you'd be wrong! I have my good days and bad days just like everyone. But all i can assume is that the upcoming holiday has heightened my frustration. I have this thing about driving-- its called LETS GO THE SPEED LIMIT! Ive never been really big on speeding-- usually 5 over at the most. But when I get stuck behind and elderly person going literally 10 mph on a 30 mph road I feel my blood pressure rise and my hands start to shake. This occurrence, in some sort of fashion, has occurred 3 times in the past 2 days for me. And i came to a very disturbing revelation..................... I HAVE ROAD RAGE!!! I feel its a minor case of it, but i definitely do. I am a firm believer that people over the age of 65 should go in for a yearly drivers test. And when i say test i mean written and an actual DRIVING TEST! I don't want to sound insensitive because i know some of them have no other way to get where they need to go-- but with the way (from my experiences) a majority of them drive, they are putting themselves in danger as well. So i wont go into great detail but i will say that on several occasions i have had to go straight to my room when i get home and tell myself to calm down because i am just ready to explode.

On a happier note, I am now officially signed up to take my GRE February 2ND. Mind you, i am SCARED OUT OF MY MIND but there was the slightest of relief when i finally did it. Now, i have to start to study and get my mind in a MATH mode of some sort. Who needs math anyway. Am i going to sit in a therapy session and do trigonometry with my patients? I THINK NOT!

I am very close to finishing my Christmas shopping. It has sucked me dry but I love this time of year because i love giving gifts! However, i have already told myself that my credit card is getting locked up in my lock box when i finish the purchasing, not to be seen or used for a long long time!! Apparently, i have an online purchasing compulsion! But that is my new years resolution (yes, Ive already made my resolution).

My moms birthday was today it was a very good day! Around this time of year my house is very unstable. Everyday at least one person is in a grumpy mood for one reason or another! But today, everyone was happy, everyone was smiling, and not arguing. It has been really nice! I hope it stays like this for while. I'm not trying to say there's bickering all the time, its just Christmas affects everyone in different ways. All my dad and I can think about it how much we don't want to go to work. And i know my mom is not looking forward to all the dishes that will accumulate throughout the weeks to come from making the gifts for our neighbors and me cooking for my coworkers for our teacher's party. Oh, and don't forget my lack of patience! :)

So anyway, I have 3 more days of FKO then its just the nanny-ing until Jan. 8Th! I'm looking forward to the break! FKO has its Christmas Program tomorrow and while I wont be able to stay home and watch the rest of the broncos game on the computer (not that I'm going to miss much, I'm sure. BUT I'M NOT BITTER!!!), i love watching those kids dressed in their Christmas best jumping around ringing bells and waving streamers.

Until next time..... 17 days. Stay happy, stay humble, stay healthy!

Sisters

So, on Thanksgiving I found out that I was going to be an aunt again! I was absolutely thrilled. Now the first time i found out I was going to be an aunt, when my sister was pregnant with Zachary, i didn't have the same reaction. i really don't know why. I think it might have been because even though my sister lived 2 hours away, i still felt she was mine, and only mine. I know shes married and I don't know why it was different when i found out she was pregnant, but it just was. I was almost upset when I found out. I couldn't understand why she wanted a baby. I was a rough time for me, and I know it wasn't the reaction she expected. But things got better and my feeling changed once Zachary was born. But this time............. i don't know............ it took a lot for me not to break down in tears over the phone when she told me. I feel like my sister and I have been through alot of ups and downs.... we're frustrated with each other and don't talk often........ we're proud of each other and talk when we can. It goes back and forth. Its been that way for a while. But even when I have those days when i feel like I wish things were different, I remember how cool it was to grow up with an older sister and how absolutely horrid and bored I would have been without her. Yea, she did older sister things that I'm sure the younger kids can relate to.. but we joke about them now. My brother-in-law even gives me a hard time about some of the things so I know that I've moved on (for the most part) from being bitter about them.

But there are some things that I know for sure and have learned about my sister that make me miss her everyday and wish i was closer to her.

1. She can beat my butt in Clue anytime, anywhere. And she isn't ashamed to rub it in my face that shes that good. I mean damn, if I was that good id make sure everyone knew about it too. ( you really have no idea of her Clue skills..... really..... you don't!! :) )

2. She ultimately only wants to see me succeed and be happy, even if there are some things i don't want to hear or don't want to acknowledge. That part of being an older sister is looking out for the younger... and she does it in spades!

3. Shes a wonderful mother. Never thought she wouldn't be but it changed her, in my eyes! Cant explain it, just love who she is and who she has become!

4. Though i know I'm not around her that often... she is able to remain calm in extreme situations. Though I'm sure she eventually breaks down once the storm has paced-- she puts on a brave face and pushes through. I wish i has that quality in myself.

5. Shes happy. Plain and simple. And truthfully, that's all I even hoped for her, was that wherever she ended up, she would be happy. And she really is!

So, if anyone who reads this has a brother or sister, younger or older, make sure and take time to truly appreciate the company and eternal bond you were/are privileged to have. There are many people who wish they had a sibling...... and i am soooo lucky I do! Love you sis!